Divine Revelations

Longest 10 Seconds Ever

2012-01-30T21:32:00.000-06:00

"Dear God,
This is the longest 10 seconds EVER...please speed up time! Please make it stop! And could I look any more ridiculous? H...E...L...P...!"

I recently had a very humbling experience. If you've been keeping up then you know that I recently injured my knee (doing nothing but standing in my kitchen while hosting my first bible study meeting) and have been recovering from surgery. I've also been going to Physical Therapy for the past 6 weeks. It has been going well and I was able to ditch the crutches about 3 weeks in. Since then we've been really focusing on strengthening not just my knee, but my entire core and getting back to my normal gait (that's the PT smarty-pants way of saying "walk").

So back to my humbling experience...my therapist had me lie down on one of the tables, on my back, bend my right leg (that's the GOOD one mind you), raise and straighten my left leg, and then using the right bent leg, lift my butt up off the table and hold for 10 seconds...I could NOT do it! I mean I sort of did it, but I couldn't lift all the way up so that my body was in a straight incline. And it had nothing to do with my knee. I just flat out wasn't strong enough to do it. It was so humiliating. I was trying my best and my entire body was trembling as he counted to 10 in what I swear was 3x's that of a real second. When he finally let me drop down I thought for sure he was going to say,

"OK, you're not ready for that...let's try this instead." But NO! Instead he said, "OK let's try your left leg now."

WHAAAAT?! I thought. That was my good leg and now you want me to try it on my bad one? But not wanting to be a big baby I attempted it.

"ONE.......TWO.......THREE.......FOUR.......(Insert above prayer right about here).......TEN!

So humiliating! It became quite evident to me and my physical therapist that I have never actually used those muscles before - the glutes - yeah that's the butt muscles for those of you that aren't as fitness-minded as me (ha)! So anyway, he didn't make me do anymore of them. He was probably worried that I would pass out right there on the table in front of all his other clients...not real good for business. He instructed me to continue working on that in my home program (yeah - I'll get right on that!).

You see, I HATE to exercise. I've been successfully avoiding it my entire life with my justifying self-talk: It's just not my thing...There's sweating involved...I'm not that coordinated...I lack the discipline to make it a habit, so what's the point...I don't look good in work out clothes...My motto is "never run unless being chased..."

But I have a confession to make. At the beginning of 2011 I prayed a prayer asking God to help me lose 40 lbs by the time I turned 40. In my head I named this my 40x40 prayer. I prayed for it, more than once actually, and then I did nothing about it. This is a confession because I never told anybody about my 40x40 prayer. Probably because if I had, I would have had to actually do something about it. And let's face it...I really didn't want to put forth the effort. I know I'm never going to look like a SI swimsuit model, so why bother? By not telling anyone, there was no one to hold me accountable. But guess what?...I told God and He's holding me accountable. Here's what He's been saying to me:

Kim, it's time to wake up. If somebody was in fact chasing you, you wouldn't have a snowball's chance of outrunning them, even before you hurt your knee. And you know what else...you don't look good in workout clothes because you never workout! And another thing...you don't hate to exercise, you've never even given it a chance. You've just been believing the devil for most of your life that you will never be physically fit. It's time to stop listening to those lies and start believing me!

Well when it comes to excercising I've been really good at ignoring Him. He's been whispering to me for a long time. I think that's why I prayed 40x40 in the first place. But the louder He spoke the more I closed my ears until "SNAP!" (that was my knee) I could no longer ignore Him. Not if I wanted to walk normally again anyway.

Have you ever seen the movie Evan Almighty? (click here to see the clip) It's really cute. Anyway, in it Morgan Freeman plays God and he's talking to Evan's wife (she doesn't know that he's God) and he says:

"Let me ask you something. If someone prays for patience, do you think God gives them patience or does he give them the opportunity to be patient? If they pray for courage, does God give them courage or the opportunity to be courageous? If someone prayed for their family to be closer (which she did), do you think God zaps them with warm fuzzy feelings, or does he give them the opportunity to love each other?"

If someone prays to lose 40x40, do you think He zaps them with immediate weight loss, or does He give them the opportunity to work out? Or in my case "force" them to start working out! See, He really did answer my prayer. Not the way that I wanted - SHOCKER! But the only way He could get my attention. He allowed my freak knee accident to occur. Which in hindsight really isn't freaky at all.

It's no coincidence that I hurt my knee doing absolutely nothing. Now there's no logical explantion. Nothing I can blame it on other than myself. It's not like I was skiing and can just decide I'm not going to ski anymore. I can't just decide that I'm never going to stand in my kitchen again. And it's no coincidence that it happened the day after my 40th birthday party, a week before my actual birthday, DURING my first bible study group get-together. Because of these circumstances surrounding the accident I will forever associate my injury with my 40x40 prayer.

Please don't misunderstand. I don't think God is punishing me. I think He is loving me! Loving me by revealing the lies that I've been believing all these years. Loving me by changing my heart and my mind about the importance of exercise and being healthy. I now believe that the accident is actually the answer to my prayer (be careful what you wish for right!).

Much to my surprise, I actually look forward to going to PT because I actually feel stronger after every session. It doesn't matter that when I leave I haven't lost a pound. What matters is that I am getting stronger. I am amazed at how quickly my body responds when I consistently put forth a little effort. My knee feels better. I feel better. This is a feeling I want to chase for the rest of my life, and with the focus being shifted from that of weight loss to actually feeling strong, I think I finally have the motivation to do it.

The following verse has taken on a whole new meaning for me:

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses [my new bible study friends] to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down [literally], especially the sin that so easily trips us up [and lays us flat on our kitchen floor]. And let us run with endurance [remember my old motto towards running] the race God has set before us. Hebrews 12:11 (NLT)

God wants to answer my prayer because He wants me to be healthy so that I can run the race that He's set before me. I'm going to continue down this path. It's not too late. I've still got 9 months to be 40. And even if I'm not 40 lbs lighter I'll probably be 40x's stronger! It's no longer a quest to be skinny (which obviously was not a very motivating factor since I'd already deemed it impossible), but a quest to be healthy...whatever that looks like! Thank you God for convicting me!

I Won't Miss You 2011

2011-12-31T21:39:00.000-06:00

"Dear God,
Please forgive me for this very short, very non-grateful sounding post. And please forgive that my main purpose in writing this is to fulfill my 12 post a year obligation. You know, because we talk about it all the time, just how grateful I am for this life that I lead. And I know just how blessed I've been - even this past year. But I'm ready to say good-bye to 2011! In the big scheme of things, compared to other years, this past year has been a major downer. I do NOT however attribute any of this to you! I love you and the best part of 2011 has been how close I've grown to you. You've taken care of me and my family in so many ways - financially (as always), we are all healthy (relatively speaking), and you've given me much new insight into myself and your purposes for me. That's what I'm most grateful for from 2011. That and my wonderful family! Thank you for loving me and always forgiving me! I am looking forward to an awesome new year and seeing how you move. I plan to move right along with you, doing whatever it is that you ask me to do. And even after the things I've faced this past year, I am moving forward without fear because I know that you have not give me a spirit of fear, and with you in my life there is nothing to fear. Amen!"

Well that prayer pretty much sums up my feelings as we close out this year. All I have left to say is:

"Bye-bye 2011! Don't let the door hitchya on your way out!"

Happy New Year Everyone! May you be abundantly blessed in 2012!

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-25T21:44:00.000-06:00

"Dear God,
Happy Birthday to you and Jesus! Thank you for sending your one and only perfect son to be our Lord and Savior. That is indeed the good, no the best, news ever! Please forgive me if I haven't been as thankful as I should be lately. As you know I've had a tough year and I'm still recovering. But I am immensely grateful for your son, also known as Emmanuel, meaning - God with us. I get such peace from knowing that I am never alone. You will never leave me or forsake me. You are right by my side through all of these trials. Thank you so much for placing me in and also giving me the greatest family anyone could ever hope for! Thank you and Merry Christmas! Amen!"

This is my prayer for today, December 25, 2011. It is also Global Share the Bible Day so I thought I would share a link to a FREE Bible download app. This app has literally changed my life and my relationship with God. You can sign up for and choose from hundreds of different reading plans which I highly recommend as a way to get in the word everyday (or at least more than usual).

Here is the link if you'd like to check it out! http://www.youversion.com/mobile

Christmas is all about remembering and celebrating the day that Jesus was born. The day that God himself became one of us so that He could later die for the sole purpose of giving us life! That my friends is LOVE! I think this verse sums up this day perfectly...

The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the one and only Son, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth. John 1:14 NIV

Merry Christmas!

Top Ten Things About a Bum Knee

2011-12-16T12:10:00.001-06:00

"Dear God,
I'm sure you're getting sick of my negativity. My whiny attitude over this whole knee incident. So I've decided that the best thing to do is to come up with a list of the Top Ten good things about having a bum knee. I'm making the conscious decision to go positive. And I know I've already thanked you several times, but thanks again that my surgery went well and I'm officially on the mend! You are the God of restoration, the great healer! Amen!"

So here it is...

Top Ten Things About Having a Bum Knee:

10.  Lots of pain med induced sleep.
9.  I don't have to go to the grocery store
8.  I don't have to take my kids to school or run them around
7.  I don't have to clean my house, do laundry, cook, or make my bed
6. I can't go upstairs, so I don't have to tuck my kids into bed (or wake them up)
5.  Because of the timing, I don't have to shop, cook, decorate, or wrap for the holidays
4.  I don't have to go to my kids holiday programs
3.  Crutches are pretty handy when it comes to reaching things such as lightswitches, tops of curtains (making it easier to open/close them), and doors when they're not fully closed.
2.  I got to ride one of those scooters at Target
1. I've had LOTS of time to think and pray

Okay, so you're either reading my list and thinking that sounds like a dream come true, or you're thinking that's just sad. It's both. The list is true, these are the best things I can come up with for having a bum knee - or probably any physical ailment for that matter. But these things are only good for about 3 days! I'm going on my 6th week and have at least a month of physical therapy ahead of me - Ugh!

Making this list was supposed to lift my spirits, you know - looking at the bright side and all. But when I finished, it had the opposite effect. See, I really do like to these things. I like to tuck my kids into bed and wake them up. I like to drive them places. I like to make sure they and my husband are well fed. I don't really like housework, but I like the result and the feeling of accomplishment. And if I'm being totally honest - I never make my bed anyway (stop your judging)!

This list represents my job and I have the best job in the world! I don't like it when I can't perform my job.

And come on - who doesn't like to watch their kids "perform" in their various recitals...I really love it! And you know what else I love...CHRISTMAS!!! I love to go shopping, I love to pick out a tree and decorate it (and the house), I love to make cookies and other typical holiday foods. I love to wrap presents. I love to do all things Christmas-y! But this year I haven't had the ability or the energy to do any of these things. I've participated some, but not with the enthusiasm that I usually have!

#10 is good in that I definitely like to sleep...but I like to wake up with a clear head, a settled stomach, and no pain. Pain meds pretty much make that impossible. Even the "pain" part because they've worn off by the time you wake up! Sure - you can set your alarm to take them, again negating any "good" sleep you were hoping to get.

Crutches actually do come in handy for a few things, but they are more of a pain than anything. And riding the scooter at Target was pretty fun, but the basket is too small, you can't reach anything high, and it's super embarrassing when you have to back-up because it beeps REALLY loud and everyone stops to stare at you to see if you're going to run-over anything or anyone! You just know they're hoping that you do!

The only thing on this list that's actually been any good (and that's why it's #1) is the time I've had to think and pray. It's helped me to reflect on my life and see how much I take for granted! I meant all of the things that I put on this list (to a certain degree) because it's hard to appreciate them all on a day-to-day basis. Or even a yearly basis (as with the holiday stuff) when you're so busy it's hard to squeeze them into your schedule. I hope I never forget the hardships of this year and always remember how great my life really is! Thank you God for reminding me! I have great hope in you for 2012!

Merry Christmas to you all!!!

For Me 40 is the New 60!

2011-12-05T19:36:00.001-06:00

"Dear God,
Let me preface this whole prayer by asking you to forgive me for the serious self-pity. As you know, I'm in a low season and I don't like it one little bit! I know that I'm whiny. I know that I should take comfort in the fact that you are in charge, and you work all things for good, and blah, blah, blah, but I'm having a hard time doing that. Sorry, that's just how I feel and there's no sense trying to hide it from you because you know my heart. But I haven't given up hope. I still have faith and I know that my spiritual enemy is just prowling around, waiting to devour me. Trying his damndest to gain a foothold in my life. But thanks to you and your word I'm onto his schemes (1 Peter 5:8)! Thank you for always being there, and for never failing me. I know it could have been so much worse, so thank you that I wasn't in public. Thank you that I wasn't home alone. Thank you that it's not life-threatening. Life-altering for sure, but not life-threatening. Amen for that!"

So if you've read my last couple of REVs you already know that I've been having a terrible time with family illness, another lightning strike (yes it can strike twice), and all of these things adversely affecting our pocketbook. Which doesn't really help with the whole getting-out-of-debt thing! To top it all off I just turned 40, something I really didn't mind until now...

A week before my birthday I was hosting my first bible study group (Nehemiah - Rising from the Ruins, of course). With a kitchen full of new friends, I stood there cutting a cake when one of the ladies asked me where the forks were. I pivoted on my left leg to point and the weirdest thing happened. My left knee-cap decided to slide right off my knee. It happened in a micro-second BAM! - I hit the floor, knee bent, unable to straighten my leg. Long story short - I was whisked away from our first meeting in an ambulance to the ER, where I was put to sleep to have my knee-cap relocated.

Who knew bible study could be so dangerous?

I keep saying that to people and we laugh about it, but just now as I typed it I realized it really IS dangerous. Dangerous because anytime you are engaged in God's work you have the devil's FULL attention. I honestly think this whole thing was his attempt to throw me and my whole bible study group off track. We all know that his main goal in our lives is to steal, kill, and destroy by any means necessary (John 10:10).

Well the joke is on him because John 10:10 also tells us that Christ came to give us life in abundance. He will not let us be destroyed. I think my little incident actually gelled our little group in a way nothing else would have. The genuine love and concern that has been poured out to me by these ladies, that only a few short weeks ago were strangers, is amazing! It's odd because I feel so blessed, but at the same time I still wish it hadn't happened! Can you be blessed and cursed all at the same time? I don't really think so. I'm sticking with the blessed theory even though it can sometimes be hard to see!

I've been on crutches now for a little more than 4 weeks and I'm having surgery in 2 days. Yes. Surgery. From standing in my kitchen. Crazy I know!

They say "40 is the new 30", but for me it feels like the new 60!

It has been suggested that I really ought to come up with a "better" story for how I got hurt, but that's just not in my nature, which reminds me of something else they say,

"The truth is stranger than fiction." (btw - who is "they"?)

So for now your prayers will be greatly appreciated. Prayers that this surgery will work and be the only one that I need. I'll update soon, afterall I've missed a few months of REVs and need to catch up before the end of the year. That's the commitment I made to God when I started this blogging journey 2 years ago, one post per month (12 per year is the same thing right?!). He always keeps His promises to me, and I'm going to try to do the same.

Seriously God?...AGAIN?!

2011-10-09T17:09:00.000-05:00

"Seriously God? Seriously? What's up? I thought you were pleased with me.  I've been doing everything you asked me to do...even things I don't particularly want to do - I'm doing them. So why is everything working against me all of sudden? Why has this plague decided to settle on my house, and why are you allowing it? I know none of it is life-threatening (thankful for that), and I know I've dealt with it all before - but not all at once! Why am I having to deal with all of this stuff AGAIN? Please make it stop! Thank you for listening to me and loving me! -Amen!"

Yes, I know. This is an extremely whiny, woe-is-me prayer. But it's how I felt and there's no sense in trying to hide your feelings from God, He already knows them.  Just like He knows I still love Him and understands that sometimes a girl's just gotta vent!

So let me back up and fill you in. If you read my post 2 months ago, you already know that my house was struck by lightning - AGAIN! One year after the first time, in the exact same spot. So that blows holes in the theory that "lightning never strikes twice!" At the time I was thankful (again) that nobody was hurt and that our house did not catch fire, but everything's been going downhill ever since.

Over the summer I really felt like God had been speaking to me, showing me His plans and bringing them into focus. He's asked me to do some things that are really out of my comfort zone. And I've been doing them, partly because He's also shown me some things that I'm really excited about. And like I always tell my kids,

"Sometimes you have to do things you don't want to do, to be able to do the things you do want to do."

Don't you think I should probably take my own advice! You know - try to be a good example.

Needless to say I've really been looking forward to school starting back up so that I would have time to get things moving. But so far there's only been 1 week out of 5 that both kids made it to school everday.  Every week somebody in my house has had some sort of ailment. Sparing you the graphic details, let's just say that from head to toe I've dealt with or experienced EVERY disgusting bodily function you can think of! Not to mention that we've made 5 trips to the doctor, one of which was a 6 hour, Friday night date with my son to the ER - good times!

Now I know this is all part of life. I know you've dealt with it all too...more than once. But did it hit all at the same time, one thing after another, starting with your house being struck by lightning AGAIN? Probably not. Please forgive my self-absorbed crankiness. I know my life is not any worse than yours or anyone else's.  And I am SO grateful that we are not dealing with anything more serious that we don't already know how to handle! I just really want you to understand this continual theme I have running through my head of:

"Oh no! Not AGAIN!!!"

So enough with the belly-aching, because this story actually has a pretty amazing twist. God took my whiny prayer to heart and showed up where I least expected Him - AGAIN! If you've never read my post 7-Year Anniversary Miracle, this would be a good time to do so.

In the midst of all this sickness and chaos, Jace and I have had to reschedule our anniversay dinner 3 times. As you know, we go to the same restaurant every year, Boulevard Steakhouse, and just splurge like there's no tomorrow. We make sure to save up the cash for our once a year treat and for one night we forget all about our debt-free quest.

This year's anniversary is lucky number 13 (which could explain these unfortunate circumstances we've been experiencing- AGAIN! Good thing I'm not superstitious). It's been 6 years since "the miracle," and we still get excited about our annual celebration dinner along with the complimentary dessert given for such an occassion. But for some reason last year our anniversary was overlooked, along with the dessert.

Not wanting to seem cheap, and still feeling grateful about our 7th anniversary meal, we didn't say anything.  But this year we wanted to make sure they knew it was our anniversary, so Jace casually worked it into the conversation with our waiter.  We felt a sense of accomplishment when they brought out our dessert with the special little "Happy Anniversary" chocolate on it.  Operation Free-Dessert was a success! So imagine our surprise, shock, and utter delight, when our waiter came out with our bill, laid it on the table, and said:

"Here's your check but it's already been taken care of."

Yes! The entire bill. I know!...AGAIN!!! (Did I mention that the restaurant is Boulevard Steakhouse?)

Are you completely blown-away?  Speechless? So were we! It made me laugh and cry all at the same time. In that moment, God spoke to us AGAIN. He knows we are going through a lot right now, but He reminded us that He is in control and He loves us. This is all part of His great plans for us and He can use all things for good.  I completely believe Him.

Interestingly, in church this week the message was called "Passing the Test." We looked specifically at James 1: 2-5

2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking.

I do think we are in a time of testing. The plague is still on-going. We're on week 7 of somebody being sick with something. But God showing up for our 13th anniversary and producing a miracle - AGAIN, gives me the strength to keep going, keep the faith, and to endure it all with a spirit of JOY!

So if you get nothing else out of this story, I hope that you remember that God is always there for you. Again and AGAIN!!!

The Interior Designer I Almost Wasn't

2011-09-12T13:06:00.001-05:00

"Dear God,
I don't know what to do. I thought I was on the right path. I thought I finally came across something that I'm interested in that I might be good at. But now it looks hopeless. Let's face it, we both know that I'm not an artist. In fact, I'm not anything. Why haven't you blessed me with any real talent? Why am I always just average? I'm running out of time...I have to declare a major and soon! Please don't let me end up with a boring undefined major, dooming me forever to a life of average. Is that really what you want for me?"

Yeah, I prayed it. After running home crying and throwing myself dramatically onto my bed. And yeah, it was a serious moment of spectacular self pity. It makes me laugh to think about it now! In fact I think I heard God chuckling a little too when he answered me.

It was Fall 1992, my sophomore year of college and I still hadn't declared a major. My dad was often suggesting that I should be an Engineer because "they make good money right out of college", but I never liked math, even though I was pretty good at it. I probably should have been flattered that he thought I was smart enough to be an engineer, but all it made me think was that I didn't possess any real talent to do something, ANYthing else. Something exciting. Something glamorous.

Most of my friends knew what they wanted to be, lawyers, medical professionals, teachers, politicians...none of which interested me. Which added to my stress because now I was thinking not only am I not talented, but I'm not interesting either. In order to be interesting you have to be interested - right?!

At the time, I was living in the sorority house (Yes I know...this is just one example of how absurd it was for me to think my life was just "average").  Anyway, my soon-to-be Lil Sis, a freshman who had already declared her major, was always creating these cool projects for her studio class. When I asked, she told me she was an Interior Design major.

"Really?" I said, thinking that my mom was really good at decorating and she never went to school for it. "I didn't know you could major in decorating."

"Oh, interior design is NOT decorating," she quickly informed me. "It's really more like architecture. It's even part of the College of Architecture and my studio classes are combined with the architecture students - for the first two years anyway."

Wow! This was starting to sound really cool, maybe even promising.  My wheels were cranking. Maybe I could do this. It was not Art. It was not Math. It was not Science. It was not Boring.

I thought, "I can do this. Afterall, I'm creative. I mean just look at this C-U-T-E Lil Sis wall-board I just made, and how much I enjoyed making it. And look at my dorm room last year. It was pretty awesome...who else had purple spray painted concrete block shelving?! Nobody! And have you seen the fabulous bulletin board that I made (with mom's help)!"

So I got myself all psyched up and scheduled a meeting with the director of the Interior Design program. And that's when my enthusiasm bubble burst. This somewhat quirky lady was going on and on about how difficult the studio programs were.

You only got 5 credit hours for a class that actually met for 10.5 total hours a week. And that didn't even include the extra time you would be working there to complete your projects for that class. Nor did it include all of the other classes I would need to take. And as if that weren't enough, there were 8 semesters of studio which had to be taken sequentially. The odd numbered ones were always in the Fall, so I would have to wait until the next Fall to start. Not only would I technically be a Junior in Freshman classes, but it would end up taking me six years to graduate because there was no way to catch up.

And on...and on...and on...! And then to top it all off, she suggested that if I was really serious about this, I should enroll in an Art studio class next Spring. It wasn't required in the Interior Design curriculum, but she "highly recommended it" so that I could experience what a studio class was really like before next fall.

ART!...Ugh! That was my worst nightmare! I mean I liked to look at art, but I couldn't draw worth a flip! And to make it even worse, we would be drawing...NUDES! I couldn't even draw good cartoon figures, let alone the real human anatomy! Oh the horror of it all! Now you see why I cried all the way home.

"God, it's too hard! I'm not cut out for that! I clearly don't have what it takes! That lady, the director, did everything she could to discourage me. She could obviously tell that I'm not up to the challenge!"

And then I felt God say to me (through His chuckling at my overblown, teen angst, pity-party):

"Why are you listening to her? And why are you listening to anyone other than me? I AM the only one you need to listen to and I say you can do this. I made you to do this. You have the right gifts, you just need to discover them. Don't give up so quickly or you will miss out on all the good things I have planned for you. Just listen to me and I will show you the way!"

Okay so I didn't actually "hear" those words, that's just what I felt. I had this calming peace come over me and my attitude took a 180. Forget that lady. I'm smart and I'm a hard worker (when I want to be). And I don't have to take an Art class if I don't want to. She said it herself, it wasn't required. I could just wait until next year and start then.

So that's what I did. I ignored the Director's advice and the rest is history.  It did take me 6 years to graduate but I needed those extra years to finally discover that I was blessed with some talent.  I shutter to think of how my life would have gone had I not faced my fears and with God's help pursued my purpose.

Remember those architecture students that my Lil Sis mentioned?...I married one. If I would have let my own negative thinking get the best of me I never would have met him, or some of my best friends to this day.  More importantly, I never would have met ME...the real me anyway! And I wouldn't be living this abundantly blessed, extraordinary, anything BUT average life!

Interesting twist to the story...remember the director that almost talked me out of my destiny? Well sadly, by the time I actually started the interior design program the next fall, she was no longer there. She was diagnosed with cancer and passed away shortly after. The program did not hire a permanent director until my senior year (actually 3rd senior year if you want to get technical). One of her first tasks was to set up a design scholarship award in the name of the former director. I was the first recipient of that award. Ironic - I know! It was definitely a full-circle moment.

So, the moral is, you know you're onto something when it seems too big and too scary to accomplish. When you're seriously doubting if you're good enough. You know you're on the right path because your spiritual enemy is coming after you with all he's got, trying to trip you up. Whispering in your ear...

"What makes you think you're good enough, smart enough, talented enough...? You'll never make it! You don't have what it takes!..." I've learned that you just have to tell him to go straight "home" and try to see yourself the way that God sees you - which is PERFECT! He makes no mistakes. You are His perfect creation and He has equipped you with everything you need to fulfill His purposes. Trust Him!

This is something of which I continually have to remind myself, especially as I enter this new, exciting, and scary chapter of my life...once again it's time for me to step out in faith. If you're curious, check out my new blog Design Revelations. I hope it speaks for itself...and to you!

Bless This House - AGAIN!!!

2011-08-19T15:25:00.001-05:00

"Dear God,
Bless this house oh Lord I pray, keep it safe by night and day - Amen."

CRACK! BOOM! Foundation SHAKIN! Dishes RATTLIN!  Power FLICKERIN! - all in a millisecond!

I sat straight up in bed and could hear myself making that sound. You know that sound you make when you're surprised or scared. That sounds like a really long "huh?" only you're inhaling instead of exhaling.

"HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUH!?!?!?!"

My sound woke up Jace, "What?"

"Didn't you hear that?"

"It was thunder," he said trying to calm me down.

"No! Didn't you HEAR that? We were just struck by lightning!"

"It was just thunder and the power is out," he assured me as he hopped out of bed to check it out.

"No! We were struck by lightning - AGAIN!" I insisted, following him up the stairs. Our daughter met us at the top.

"What was that?" she asked in a scared voice. I was having Déjà vu.

Jace headed towards the computer with the intent to silence its continuous screech, indicating that it was in a serious flatline. I went and looked out my daughter's window. Yep, there was debris in the yard - AGAIN! And there was that sick, smoky, burnt smell - AGAIN!

"Jace, don't you smell that? And there's debris in the yard. I'm telling you we were hit - AGAIN!"

He couldn't make the screeching stop.  Abandoning it, he went out to brave the storm and look for damage.

"Mommy..." my daughter says, "my tooth fell out!"

What? I stopped my frantic pacing to look at her and process what she'd just said. "You're tooth fell out? When?"

"I just woke up because I felt it in my mouth and then I heard the thunder."

Ha ha! I little comic relief right when I needed it. Just then Jace came back inside.

"We were hit," he said.

"Really?!" I knew it but I still had a hard time believing it. Once you've heard the sound of lightning hitting your house you will NEVER forget it! "In the same place?"

"Yep."

So for anyone who thinks "lightning never strikes twice", I've got bad news for you! I'm living proof that it most definitely does.

When this happened last year I saw it as a blessing. Nobody was hurt and everything could be fixed. I have no idea why God would allow this to happen - AGAIN, but He certainly has my attention. This time I see it as an even bigger blessing. God showed us that He is in charge and looking out for us - AGAIN!

Interesting little story though...the next morning I got up and the first thing I usually do is read my daily bible verse on YouVersion (the bible app for your phone). Well, it wouldn't come up because our wi-fi was fried! Ugh! Of all days, I really needed some guidance, some encouragement, which I can always count on from God's word. Then it hit me - Duh! I can just read my real bible. So it wouldn't be part of the reading plan I was doing, but this would be fun, even more revealing. I decided that I would just pick up the bible, open it, and the first thing I saw would obviously be what God wanted me to read that day. So I opened it and this is what I saw:

Isaiah 6:1-4 (NLT)
1 It was in the year King Uzziah died that I saw the Lord. He was sitting on a lofty throne, and the train of his robe filled the Temple. 2 Attending him were mighty seraphim, each having six wings. With two wings they covered their faces, with two they covered their feet, and with two they flew. 3 They were calling out to each other,

“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord of Heaven’s Armies!
The whole earth is filled with his glory!”

4 Their voices shook the Temple to its foundations, and the entire building was filled with smoke [emphasis mine].

If you know anything about me by now (besides the fact that I have a really great memory) it's probably that I do not believe in coincidence. When I read passage 4, I felt like it was exactly describing my house when the lightning stuck. Intrigued by this idea I read all of Chapter 6 and then some of the supporting documentation to learn more about Isaiah. Turns out he is considered the greatest Old Testament prophet and is quoted at least 50 times in the New Testament. The "Key" verse, which is also in Chapter 6 (again no coincidence here), reads:

8 Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to my people? Who will go for us?”

And I said, “Lord I'll go! Send me.”

Isaiah was humbled and changed by his unforgettable vision of God, so much so that he immediately answered God's call on his life to be a messenger. God did not encourage Isaiah with promises of success. As a matter of fact He basically told him that the people would not listen, but he needed to spread the message anyway.

That is how I feel. I hear you God. I know your power. I know your love and your mercy. I'll go! Send me.

There is so much more to this chapter than I can possible go into right here, right now. But I've covered the parts that spoke to me the most that day. I took it as a sign that I am to continue to be God's messenger. Now please do not misunderstand me, I am not claiming to be a modern day prophet or anything. Just that I feel called to keep doing what I'm doing through this blog. Maybe nobody will read it. Or if they do, maybe nobody will respond to it.  But if there's a chance that it helps even one person then it is worth it.

So I'll wrap this up by thanking God for blessing our house and keeping us safe - AGAIN! Amen!

Wait. Wait. Wait. MOVE! Wait...

2011-07-31T23:12:00.006-05:00

“Dear God,

Thank you for this revelation! Thank you for shining a light on my next step. Thank you for reminding me that it does not matter what’s at the end of this path. As long as I have faith and obey by continuing to step, you will prepare me, protect me, and be pleased with me! Please help me to be BOLD for you and to never stop telling about everything I have seen and heard!* In Jesus name I pray – Amen!” * Acts 4:20 NLT

If you’ve read my Nehemiah 4-Part post from December 2010, you already know that patience is not my strong suit. I like to feel like I’m in charge, so even though I often look to God for answers, I have a tendency to then race ahead and turn His answers into my own plans. Lately I’ve felt stuck. Not discontent. Not unhappy. Just stuck! That’s because 4 years ago, God told me to be patient, and I finally obeyed. But it’s like being stuck in traffic…

Personally, I’d rather take a detour and go the long way if it means I can at least keep moving and get to my destination quicker! But unless it is a planned and purposeful detour, implemented by the powers that be, I never beat the traffic. Whenever I decide to be clever and take matters into my own hands by getting off the road and turning around, I never win. In traffic (or in line at the store) I’m always in the slow lane. So I jump over to the seemingly faster lane only to be slowed down again as I watch the spot I once occupied fly past me. Does that ever happen to you? I’m starting to realize this is a metaphor for my life. If I’d just practice some patience and stay put, I’d probably to get to my desired destination much faster.

Sometimes God tells us to be patient. Other times He tells us to get up and MOVE! Problem for me is I just got used to the traffic. I was kicking back, enjoying the view, listening to some tunes. Now the traffic is starting to clear and it’s time to get moving again. But I don’t want to move. I’m scared to move. I saw that bad accident on the side of the road which caused the traffic. That could have been me…metaphorically speaking – it was me! I don’t want to face that destruction again. Maybe I should just turn around and go home.

It’s interesting to me that whether I’m trying to avoid being stuck or I’m scared to move forward, my first instinct is to “turn around”. Turn around and back-track to find a better, faster way. Or turn around and go back home where it’s comfortable! Either way, it’s “back”. Back in the past. And I know for certain that God does not want us to live in the past.

He wants us to move forward. But before we can move forward, we need to slow down, take a deep breath, and resist the urge to turn around. Live in the “now” and prepare to move forward.

Earlier this year, I read an amazing book called Sun Stand Still, by Steven Furtick. While there are many great things that I took away from this book, there is one little passage that really spoke to me. At the top of Pg. 70, referencing Psalm 119:105, it reads,

“The Bible says that God’s word is a lamp to our feet, [a light on our path], not a floodlight beaming to our destination.”

I just love that! It made me realize that’s what I’m always doing…waiting for the floodlight to illuminate my final destination and every step in between. But the Bible clearly tells us that ain’t gonna happen! Probably because we’d really be terrified if we knew the BIG plans God has in store for us! So I guess I’ll just have to go with faith. Take the next step that God is lighting at my feet. Resist the urge to turn around. Don’t look back. MOVE forward!

That’s where I find myself these days, trying to resist the urge. I feel overwhelmed because God has put several things on my heart to accomplish but I lack focus. I know that He has a plan, and a pace, and an order for everything, but I have been unable to discern what all that is. It’s frustrating! My biggest problem is not really that I can’t see the next step clearly; it’s that I see five different steps, all leading a different direction. None of which are lit very brightly.

Most of my ideas, goals, visions, whatever you want to call them, are related to interior design (which is my actual profession). But they aren’t related closely enough for me to wrap my arms around and attempt to pursue all at once. Up to this point I’ve been missing the link that ties them all together as one BIG vision, with one set path to get there. Until now…

A couple of weeks ago I could NOT sleep. I just had all of these ideas rolling around in my head wanting me to do something with them. I just kept thinking and praying, “What should I pursue first?” Tired of waiting for an answer I decided to get up and go do something productive. Looking back, I’m pretty sure that was my answer,

“MOVE!” He said.

Even before starting this blog, I’ve felt led to start a design blog, but I plan to tie it into an even bigger idea that I have for an eventual interior design business (TAWNT - Topic for A Whole 'Nother Time). I must be debt-free before I can start this new business (read Jan 2011 post), so I haven’t even worried about that blog yet. But plans change and for some reason when I got up that night I felt an overwhelming urge to at least check and make sure the name I wanted was available. It was, so I went ahead and set up my new blog. I also ordered a book online that I’d been meaning to read for months. Was the traffic starting to move a little, or was I just taking another self-imposed detour? I sure hoped not!

When my book finally arrived, I gobbled it up in a day. It was great but still didn’t make any of my possible steps glow any brighter, that is until I read the back cover about the author, Seth Godin. It said that he was the founder of www.squidoo.com. What the heck is that? I had to go check it out and what I found was a whole new world…a site that allows you to easily create mini websites, called “lenses”, for FREE! How much FUN! I can’t even begin to scratch the surface of explaining this, but let’s just say I was hooked! I’d found a shiny new toy!

So I created a lens and I’m sitting there writing and listening to The Dave Ramsey Show. He’s talking to his caller about pursuing a better career and finding his passion. Then he asked the caller, “What would you do if money were no object?”

“WRITE!”

What? Who said that? Not the guy on the radio – oh wait…that was me! I startled myself with my own thought being so forcefully screamed by my brain! All of a sudden it is so obvious. My next step is to “write.” That’s the missing link. That’s the thing that is going to tie all of this stuff together!

This is what God wants me to do. He’s lighting the path at my feet. I don’t know why. I don’t know how. I don’t know if I’m any good. I just know. I know that through writing I’m going to find some peace and gain the focus needed to start down the lighted path. God is saying “MOVE!” And I am saying, “Amen! It’s about time!”

Put Down Your Luggage!

2011-06-05T17:08:00.002-05:00

“Dear God,

OK, I have serious bloggers block! What should I write about this month? I know that I have a whole list of stories from my life that demonstrate how wonderful you are and how thankful I am to be so blessed…but for some reason none of them are motivating me at this moment. Why is that? I feel like maybe this month should be something current, but I feel kind of blah lately, like I’m stuck in some kind of rut and – what?...Forgiveness? You want me to write about forgiveness?...Well OK, that makes sense for April since we did just celebrate Easter and all. Thanks! I knew you would inspire me! –Amen”

(Yes, I realize it is now June but I really did start this post in April. Will you please forgive me for being such a slacker?)

So, what do I know about forgiveness? I know that we are all called to do it. I know that it is one of the hardest things in life to do. It goes against every cell of our flesh to forgive when somebody has hurt us so badly. And then I think about Jesus. He died a horrible death on a cross so that we could all be forgiven. He forgave us and redeemed us all. There’s no doubt that as flesh Himself that was THE hardest thing He ever had to do. But He did it because God asked Him to, because they both love us so much. We are reminded of this in John 3:16

For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life.

He made Jesus the ultimate example of what it means to forgive. And because I know that He loves me so much (and you too), I know He would never ask me to do something that wasn't for my own good. He does not ask us to forgive our offenders for their sake (He is perfectly capable of dealing with them Himself - He does not need our help)! He asks us to forgive them for our own sake. It's taken me most of my life to figure this out.

I will never forget the day that it just clobbered me over the head; the realization that withholding forgiveness was only hurting me. It seemed like I had been mad at my dad forever. Not the kind of I’m-never-speaking-to-you-again kind of mad, just this resentment that was always lingering in the edges of my mind. Just waiting for the perfect moment to spring from the shadows and completely overtake me. I knew it was time to just get over it, I mean my parents had been divorced for more than a third of my life. I knew God wanted me to forgive, but I just couldn’t seem to do it. I kept asking,

“How do you forgive someone who’s never asked for forgiveness…who’s never even admitted that they did anything wrong?”

It wasn’t long after that conversation with God that He answered me. I was serving in the store at our church and while straightening up I noticed this wall of DVDs. I had seen them there before, but never really paid much attention. They were the Nooma series and there was a bunch of them. But on that day, this one in particular caught my eye and practically jumped off the shelf into my hands. It was titled Luggage 007 - Rob Bell. I turned it over to see what it was about and this is what I read:

“Maybe a friend turned their back on you. Maybe someone you loved betrayed you. We all have wounds and we end up carrying around these things that people have done to us for weeks, months, and sometimes even years. It isn’t always easy to forgive these people and after a while these hurts can get really heavy. So the only way to feel better seems to be somehow getting back at the people that hurt us, to get revenge. But does revenge ever truly satisfy? Maybe forgiving isn’t something you do for someone else to let them off the hook. Maybe forgiveness is about you. God didn’t create you to carry these wounds around. God created you to be free.”

Somewhat stunned, I put it back on the shelf. It was the only one that I’d even felt compelled to look at. That DVD changed my life and I never even actually watched it. I didn’t need to. That little blurb on the back told me everything I needed to know. That was it. I finally understood that I chose to pick up that “luggage” and carry it around with me. And to get rid of that hurt all I had to do was forgive, set it down, and walk away. And that’s exactly what I did. I don’t think I’ve been mad at my dad since. In fact, I think our relationship is better than ever.

Now I recognize that in the big scheme of things this offense doesn’t seem like that big of a deal…half the population is divorced – boo hoo! I know that I am so blessed to have two parents that love me, to have grown up in a home never lacking anything. I know that a lot of people have suffered far worse things – unimaginable things that seem impossible to forgive. If you’re one of those people I can’t say that I know exactly how you feel because I don’t. But what I do know is that forgiving will only benefit YOU!

Withholding forgiveness does not punish your offender, it punishes you. By forgiving someone you are not saying that what they did was alright, you’re not excusing their behavior. You’re freeing yourself – handing your offender over to God. Believing that He is a God of justice and trusting that He will allow the appropriate punishment in His own perfect timing. Punishment is not your job and to act like it is only works against you, continuing to hurt you over and over again! By giving it to God you take away the power of your spiritual enemy. You sever that hold of hurt that he has on you! Forgive for your own sake, and let God take care of the rest. He always does. When you call on Him, He always answers, just like He answered me on the back of a DVD – God is SO good!

Chasing the Wind

2011-03-29T21:27:00.002-05:00

“Dear God,
Please don’t let me have lost it! Oh God, please, please, please…! If it’s gone I’m sure there’s a way to fix it, but when? How long will that take? Ugh! I don’t even want to think about it. I need it NOW! Please help me find it! I’m pretty sure I stuck it in my purse. Where could it be? It’s so windy! If it blew out it must be long gone. Oh Dear God PLEASE help me find it! – Amen”

Well in honor of the upcoming tax season I thought I’d share a little story of the time I lost my tax return check. My daughter was a little over a year old and I had quit my job nine months prior to stay home with her, practically cutting our household income in half. Needless to say we REALLY needed that check. Back then, we didn’t understand that it was not really a good thing to get a tax return. A return just means that we overpaid the government and let them use our money all year interest-free. But that’s beside the point…back then it seemed like the best plan ever! We could live for the next 3 months on that check alone. We praised ourselves for being so smart with our finances!

So, excited to have gotten the check (this was before electronic filing came into fashion – praise God for that), I tucked it into the back pocket of my purse, gathered up the baby and all of the necessary accompanying gear, and set out to run some errands – first stop being to deposit that check. With everyone and everything safely and securely packed in the car, I turned to battle the wind managing to get myself seated behind the steering wheel just as the wind slammed the car door closed behind me. If you live in Oklahoma you know exactly what I’m talking about! You could easily lose a leg if you’re not careful! I flung my purse into the passenger seat and went to grab the check to get it ready – but where was it?

I’m pretty sure I stuck it in here…(Frantically digging through my purse)…What if it blew out?...That would have been at least 5 minutes ago…In this wind it’s long gone…(Panic starts to set in)…Maybe I left it in the house.

I went back into the house quickly running through and looking everywhere that I thought I might have left it. It was nowhere to be found.

I ran back outside. The wind was blowing hard out of the north so I strained to see as far south as I could, looking for a piece of paper blowing down the street…nothing! It was gone. There was no way that the wind hadn’t already blown it into oblivion. What was I going to do? Call the IRS and ask them to issue another one – ha! I’m sure that’s an easy process! Not to mention that I needed that money like yesterday! That’s when I started to pray - that kind of panicked, urgent prayer that I only remember praying a few other times in my life. What should I do? Drive down the street to look for it? I had walked a couple houses past my house trying to see if I could see it. I turned around to head back to my car (yes, my baby was in there by herself, but don’t worry, the car wasn’t running and I wasn’t that far away). At that moment I noticed a piece of paper plastered to the south side of my house. My heart skipped a beat. Could it be my check? Oh please God, let that be my check. But as I got closer I had my doubts. The wind was blowing toward the south away from that side of my house. How could it have ended up there? I started to run toward the paper anyway, because chances were it wouldn’t stay put for long. As I entered into the area between mine and my neighbor’s house I experienced a small vortex of wind. A-ha! The wind was getting trapped between our houses and gusting toward the north…could it be?! I grabbed the paper, held my breath, and turned it over – JACKPOT! It WAS my check! Hallelujah – Praise God – literally! I cried with relief and climbed back into the car, check tightly gripped in my hand all the way to the bank.

Now you may be thinking that this is really no big deal, not exactly an awe inspiring testimony. It’s perfectly natural that the check would be caught up in a vortex and blown against the side of my house, but trust me, this was a supernatural event! God intervened on my behalf. I had been relying on that money, relying on the government to provide that money. This was His way of getting my attention to remind me that I should only be relying on Him. He provides for all my needs. That money wasn’t a gift from the government. They were just returning what was mine. Actually it wasn’t even really mine, it was God’s. He was entrusting me with His riches, reminding me that it came from Him and it could be taken away just as easily as it was given. Thankfully, He blessed me with mercy that day and allowed me to keep it.

I believe that God has been prompting me to share this story with you for several reasons. First, it’s tax season again, so it’s timely. Second, He recently showed me this passage from His word: “But remember the LORD your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth, and so confirms his covenant, which he swore to your ancestors, as it is today.” (Deuteronomy 8:18 NIV), reminding me that it is He who gives us the “ability” to earn money. He deserves all the glory for every penny we have!

And lastly, a few days ago I was waiting for my now 9-year old daughter to get home from school. It was very windy out, much like the day my check blew away. My 3-year old son came running to me exclaiming:

“Sissy’s home! Sissy’s home! She’s tryin ta get sumpin (something).”

I looked out the window and couldn’t see her. Where was she? I knew her bus had already come. Then I saw her, bent down in front of our brick mailbox, apparently trying to pick up the mail that she’d dropped. I opened the door and walked toward her, asking if she needed help. She was crying…balling actually. She had dropped the mail and the wind had picked up a piece and was blowing it down the street. She had her hands and feet frantically stepping on all of the rest of the mail trying to keep it from also blowing away. I gathered up the mail freeing her to chase down the piece that had gotten away. Turns out it was just junk mail, but she didn’t know that. To her, it could have been the most important piece of mail in the world. I knew exactly how she felt. I had wanted to cry too when I thought my check was blowing down the street all those years ago. As I watched her chase after that mail it struck me, God was using the memory of that incident to once again remind me that we need to rely solely on Him…otherwise we’re just chasing the wind!

Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep...

2011-02-27T16:24:00.002-06:00

“Dear God,
Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake, I pray the Lord my soul to take. Amen
P.S. Please keep those little devils locked tightly in my closet…Amen!

This is the prayer of a five-ish year old little girl, that girl being me. I have said this prayer every night for as long as I can remember. My mom taught it to me and we would always say it together (not the “P.S.” part). I know this prayer has stirred some controversy as to whether it is too scary for children, and that it’s been revised to make it more kid-friendly, but I’ve always liked the original. I don’t remember ever thinking it was scary. I always found it comforting (and still do) to think that God was watching over me as I slept and even if something should happen, and I never woke, I took comfort in the fact that I would be with Him.

So why did I add the “P.S.” about the devils if I wasn’t scared? Well I was scared, but not because of the prayer. To be real honest, I’m not certain that I actually added that to my prayer…I mean that was almost 35 years ago so it’s a little fuzzy around the edges. But here’s what I do remember quite clearly:

I was lying in my bed, in a room that I shared with my baby brother. I thought I saw something moving under his crib and when I sat up to look, two little cartoonish looking devils, complete with horns and pitchforks, crawled out from underneath it. They didn’t say anything, just laughed demonically as they pulled me from my bed and led me toward the closet. The door was open (hadn’t mom closed that before she tucked me in?!) and all I could see through the opening was darkness engulfed in flames (I knew it! – the closet WAS in fact the gateway to hell!). The two little devils walked ahead of me, still pulling me by my hand. I could hear them whispering, but couldn’t make out what they were saying. Just as I was about to panic I heard the command,

“Look down!” in a very clear voice.

When I looked down there was a rock, like a river rock, on the floor. I reached down and picked it up with my free hand. Instinctively, I knew what to do with it. I slipped it into the devil’s hand that held mine. Success! He didn’t even know that I’d escaped. I stood there and watched as the two little devils entered my inferno of a closet and the door slammed shut behind them, securely locking them away. In the dark, I stood there relieved, knowing that God was right there with me. It was His voice that I had heard. He saved me, protected me - my soul, that night, I would keep!

You’ve no doubt already figured out that I had a bad dream – well sort of a nightmare-turned-most wonderfully significant dream of my life. I’m sure that some of you are skeptical that I can even remember a dream from so long ago, but let me assure you – I do! Ask anyone who knows me well and they will tell you that I have an EXCELLENT memory (keep your Rain Man jokes to yourself please). Not a photographic memory and I’m terrible with remembering numbers, but a very detailed, situational memory. I think it’s because I really try to live in a moment and pay great attention to all of the sensory details. Also, growing up we moved every couple of years, so it’s fairly easy to remember things based on where I was, allowing me to pinpoint the time period pretty accurately.

I know that I was about 5 because we lived in Saudi Arabia from when I was 3-6 in a tiny 2-bedroom complex where I had to share a room with my brother. I was 4 when he was born, and I’m sure that both he and my parents would like for you to know that we did come back to the States and stay with my grandparents in Illinois so that he would be born in the good ol’ U.S. of A.! Anyway, that’s why I’m guessing I was close to five, because the dream took place in that room at the same time I was actually living there. The dream was so real that I don’t even remember when I crossed over from being asleep to awake. I just know that I was awake in that room, closet door closed, knowing that God was with me. I wasn’t scared in that moment, but to this day I cannot go to sleep without closing the closet doors! And I always make sure my kids closet doors are shut tight too! Practically every time I go through this ritual I remember my dream and how it was my first real introduction to God as my Savior.

I am not trying to claim that I understood the meaning or symbolism of this dream at such a young age, just that I knew God was real and He was (and still is) looking out for me. I attended a Christian Pre-School while living in Saudi Arabia, so I’m sure those story-time teachings with the characters on the felt board had their influence on me. If you’ve read some of my other blog posts you’ve probably figured out that going to church and reading the bible are relatively new to me. In fact I just did my first bible study a few months ago. So imagine my overwhelming surprise when I came across this little jewel:

The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my savior; my God is my rock, in whom I find protection. He is my shield, the power that saves me, and my place of safety. Psalm 18:2 NLT

I know, pretty amazing right?! And there are so many other passages like this in the bible that I can’t even begin to list them all. I am so blown away every time I come across one. After all these years my dream finally makes sense. I always knew that I had heard God and felt His presence in my dream, but I never thought I actually saw Him, until now…He was the ROCK!!!

God is SO awesome that He came to me in a dream when I was five years old, to save me from my spiritual enemy (or in this case - little cartoon minions), and to show me, literally, that He is my rock, my solid foundation! That’s how much God loves me, and He wants me to tell you that He loves you just as much! Amen for that!

2010 the Miracle!

2011-01-26T17:40:00.005-06:00

“Dear God,
Okay, I know this is a BIG ask, but I’m going for it…I want to be debt free, all but my house, by the end of this year. I’m going to commit to do all that I know how to do to get us there, but mathematically it’s just not possible. I need you to produce a miracle to forgive this debt, and I’m asking you to do it by the year’s end because that truly would be a miracle! If it is not your will I completely understand and trust that you have your reasons. My only other stipulation is that nobody dies in order for this to happen…I most definitely don’t want to pay off debt that way! I know it’s a lot to ask, and normally I wouldn’t dream of being so audacious, but I’ve learned that I should not insult you by trying to limit your abilities to what only my little brain can comprehend! Thank you for listening to and never tiring of me! It’s going to be a great year! Amen!”

And that’s how I started out 2010 – with that prayer. Our pastor had done a sermon about “The One Thing” that we hoped to accomplish in the upcoming year and we were to take that one thing to God. We were instructed to pray for it to happen, to be specific, and to believe that it would be given. So that’s what I did. I know that I shouldn’t put stipulations on God, like a time limit, because His ways are always better than mine (and rarely the same I might add), but my reasoning for the stipulations was simple. First off, I definitely did not want to prosper from anyone dying - understandable right?! Secondly, the BIG ask needed to be something, well – BIG! Without the time limit it seemed to be something that we could feasibly do ourselves within the next few years. But within a year’s time I could not see ANY possible way for this debt to disappear without a Godly intervention. So I committed to do my part. As you may know from reading some of my other posts (specifically “Screw Nehemiah: NEH Part II posted in Dec. 2010), things have been pretty tight financially around my house over the past few years. On a monthly basis our out-go has been more than our in-flow, so we have depended on my husband’s year-end bonus to make up for that shortfall. Historically his bonus is quite good and God has been making sure that it all works out!

So even though financially 2010 started out much the same way as other years, we decided that we were really going to tighten our belt and commit to sending a specific amount over and above our normal car payment, which would pay it off by the year’s end. We also committed to paying a set amount per month to the credit card which was slightly more than the minimum. By the end of the year, assuming we had a normal bonus, we should be able to pay off that card too. Mathematically that was all I could put together in my mind. I could commit to get us out of debt on the car and the credit card, but that still left the student loan. Even if, and assuming we received a comparable bonus to years past, it would not be enough to pay off the student loan in it’s entirety – see what I mean by a “BIG” ask?!

So that was my plan for the year and I embraced it with a passion (I would say “we” but my husband was not quite as enthusiastic or confident as me, although he did willingly go along with the plan – even sacrificing his beloved OU Season Football Tickets!). I want to mention that we have been tithing faithfully for years now and that did not change throughout this process. I fully believe that when you return your first and your best (to God) that He blesses the rest. I’ve seen it proven in my own life over and over again, so I wasn’t too surprised when things really started to move our way.

In January, my husband’s architectural firm asked me if I would be interested in contracting with them for interior design work – of course I would! Cha-ching!

In the springtime, we got a pretty substantial tax return, which was good but it also reminded us that we had been overpaying our taxes. Which really just means that we were loaning the government our hard earned money all year, interest free! So we reevaluated our deductions and decided to hold out less each month, putting more money in our pocket to pay down the debt.

We also met the deductible on our HSA (Health Savings Account), which meant that we were able to stop contributing so much per month since any bills would now be paid at 100%. Again, more money in our pocket! Things were really picking up steam.

Now my husband usually gets a mid-year bonus as well, but in this uncertain economy he had been warned not to expect or rely on it. But I went right on believing that somehow God would make it all work out. And guess what? -He did. My husband got his bonus, and although it was less than year’s past, it was EXACTLY the right amount to go ahead and pay off the car, four months ahead of schedule! Oh happy day!

Not long after that, I had the idea (obviously a divine revelation) to refinance my house. I had looked into it before but with the interest rate at the time it wasn’t really worth it. But something told me to check again. Monthly, I wasn’t really expecting to save much, but interest rates had dropped so dramatically that I’d be crazy not to re-fi if I could keep my payments roughly the same. So long story short, we did the re-fi and guess what? – not only did I considerably drop my interest rate and save a little money every month, but I got back all of the money that we’d been putting into escrow, AND we got to skip a house payment while everything was processed – two benefits that I had never even considered. So, I combined that escrow money and that monthly mortgage payment and paid off our credit card, 2 months early! All of a sudden I was starting to fathom how we could possibly pay off our student loan by the end of the year. God can always make a way!

So here it is, January 2011 and I had been hoping and sincerely believing that my first post of the new year would be my testimony of how God provided a miracle and that we were finally able to scream “I’m debt free” on the Dave Ramsey radio show (at least that was my fantasy – I think I might need to get a life!). Anyway, while I can’t yet say that we are debt free, I can most assuredly say that God provided that miracle. And here’s how:

In this tough economy the year-end bonus didn’t even come close to previous years, however we were able to pay off two of our three debts before we even knew that to be the case. This monthly savings allowed us to have an all-cash Christmas, which typically we would charge and then pay off with the bonus. That savings also allowed us to balance our monthly budget. Our in-flow is now more than our out-go, yea! We are no longer dependent on that bonus - Praise God!

I would be lying if I said that I wasn’t disappointed or that I didn’t feel somewhat let down by God, but I just remind myself of what He said in Isaiah 55:8-9:

“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,” says the Lord. “And my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”

I know this to be true, and I am SO grateful for the miracles that did occur. My favorite thing about 2010, by far, was getting to walk so closely with Him, seeing Him work daily in my life. Sure I wish the student loan was gone too, but I know that He has not abandoned me. It’s just going to happen in His time, His way, and it will work out even better than I could ever imagine! I’ll let you know how and when that transpires. I have a feeling it’s going to be good! So in the meantime, I’ll keep believing God for miracles, recognizing when they happen, and giving Him all the glory! I’m so excited to see what He has in store for 2011 – for all of us! Please feel free to drop me a line if you ever feel like sharing your story! Happy New Year!

Nehemiah's Grand Finale - NEH Part IV

2010-12-30T17:31:00.002-06:00

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for the past four years and allowing my relationship with Nehemiah to conclude full-circle. What a circle it’s been! I finally feel restored and like my time to wait patiently may be coming to an end. It might be time to act, but don’t worry, I’m waiting for you to give a clear, “GO!” Thank you for this gift of time to be with my family and to rest and recharge. Thank you for reconnecting me to an old friend and for making new ones. Thank you for being you! Amen!”

In my last post you found out that Nehemiah was not through with me, even though I thought I was through with him. I am so amazed at how this journey has come full circle. Like I said before, I didn’t really think I had a lot ruins that were in need of repair. I mean don’t get me wrong, I knew I had ruins but I thought I’d completely dealt with them because I’d been walking in such peace relying on God. In my first real encounter with the bible and Nehemiah things didn’t work out quite the way I had planned. But what I’ve discovered is that God had much better plans and the last four years have been amazing! My second encounter with Nehemiah, which was Anne’s bible study, has been a pure blessing! Not only have I been reconnected to an old friend but I’ve been able to see how God has been moving in her life and privileged to participate in a small part of it! I’ve also made some new amazing friends throughout the course of this study and for that I am truly grateful. So to close out this series I’d like to share with you what I think is probably the most important thing that I’ve learned:

The Bible Should Be Our Guide – Always!
I think one of the greatest lessons learned through my journey with Nehemiah is that the Bible should always be our guide. I’ve said before that I always believed in God, but I didn’t really put much stock in the bible. I was always critical of its validity seeing as how it had been interpreted so many times and so many ways by Man – and we know how fallible he is! It really didn’t help that the first time I ever consulted it, I was lead down such a rocky road. I think that’s the main reason why God directed my attention to Nehemiah again; to show me how relevant the bible still is today. It is His living, breathing word; the roadmap that we should all follow.

In Anne’s study on Pg. 104, she had us look up Hebrews 4:12 which reads, “For the word of God is alive and powerful. It is sharper than the sharpest two-edged sword, cutting between soul and spirit, between joint and marrow. It exposes our innermost thoughts and desires.” It most certainly does!

While doing a little research of my own for this blog I stumbled onto this verse:

“His word is always relevant and we should always seek it.” Isaiah 55:11

I thought that summed it up pretty nicely!

Conclusion
I realize now that I used Nehemiah (and the bible too for that matter) superficially before to accomplish my goals. Now I’m learning that I need to slow down and be more like him. Really understand what it was that he did and how he ultimately accomplished the vision placed in his heart by God. He prayed and obeyed God every step of the way. He was patient and acted only when the time was right, after God had cleared the way. He did not let his enemies (earthly or spiritual) distract him from God’s work. By doing all of that he was able to accomplish the seemingly impossible task of rebuilding the wall around Jerusalem in only 52 days. It was a true miracle and he proved that when God places a vision in your heart and mind, not only is it possible to accomplish the task, but highly probable! The only thing that is impossible is trying to stop you!

I still have my vision. It is not dead. After the walls came crumbling down I thought it was, but just a few months later it started glimmering again. During these last few years I’ve been chasing that glimmer, but only by asking God for His guidance. In doing so I now see that it is MUCH different than I originally thought it to be. It is so much clearer now and it’s shining brighter than ever. No my vision is most certainly not dead. It is very much alive and well in my head and in my heart. I have no doubt that it was placed there by God and by seeking His wise council throughout, it will come to fruition. I have to be patient and act only when He says it’s time. If I find that I have to force something to happen, that’s a sure sign that it’s NOT the right time.

I think my whole Nehemiah journey has revealed to me that when you are praying and truthfully seeking God’s will, he will never let you fail. Even though at the time it seemed to me like I had failed. I thought that I must have completely missed the mark of His calling or I would have surely succeeded! I've discovered that when you make decisions based on what you think He is telling you to do, they are always the right decisions. I’m not saying you can never go wrong, I’m just saying that God can and will make all things right when you are honestly pursuing His will. You may feel like you made the wrong decision because it did not produce the outcome that you thought it would or should, but it was right in God’s eyes. I don’t think I was wrong to buy a new house. I don’t think I was wrong to pursue a different career path or to consult the bible. All of my perceived “failures” forced me to turn to Him and to realize that He is the only way to truly be successful in this life. To Him my decisions led to success! They brought me closer to Him.

Anne says it very eloquently on Pg. 26, “We are set apart to accomplish His purposes for our lives, not our own.” She later goes on to say, “He will grant you success in His Purposes for your life.”

After participating in my first bible study ever, I can now confidently say that God has completely restored my walls. Hopefully I am now better prepared for the next time they come tumbling down.

Fun Fact from my Full-Circle Moment
While writing this series I stumbled across something interesting. I remembered that in the Intro of the study, Anne had said that she found Nehemiah by accident. She had been studying prayer throughout scripture and got to a verse in Nehemiah when God prompted her to read his whole story. She had not set out to write a bible study, but that’s what resulted from her willingness to go where God called – Thank you Anne! So just a few days ago, out of curiosity, I asked her when she first accidentally found Nehemiah. Her answer…

“March 2007.” – I know!!!...EXACTLY the same time that I found him! Isn’t it so cool when you get a glimpse of how God knits everything together! He’s AWESOME!!!

Thank you for reading my blog! I hope you all had a very Merry Christmas and that you are abundantly blessed in the New Year!!!

My Boyfriend's Back - NEH Part III

2010-12-27T21:00:00.004-06:00

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for reintroducing me to Nehemiah. Please forgive me for not digging deep enough the first time you introduced us. I am sure I could have avoided a lot of heartache. Instead I just took what I wanted from what you were showing me and ran ahead with my own plans. I know that you have already forgiven me as evidenced by your constant support and unfailing love. It’s been an awesome journey and I can’t wait for you to reveal more of your plan for my life! Thank you for never forsaking me! Amen!”

As you already know from NEH Part I and II of my blog, I hit a pretty rough patch. I honestly thought that I was being obedient to God and His plans for my life. When the walls crumbled and I found myself unemployed, I was in a state of shock, and I was embarrassed. I’d put myself out there. I didn’t play it safe, and besides hurting my pride, now our entire financial life was in ruins. I started to second guess every decision I’d made up to that point. Maybe I wasn’t really hearing from God at all. But after I called out to Him and started to obey His commands by being patient a strange thing happened…I found peace!

Which brings us to today (well actually a few months ago) – I found out through Facebook that one of my friends from high-school, Anne Resler, wrote a bible study (yes she wrote it – impressive I know!). And guess what it’s about?...Nehemiah! I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read about it. Up to this point I had kind of forgotten about Nehemiah. He was like an old boyfriend who did me wrong and I really didn’t want to think back to that time - too many bad memories. But here he was again, knockin’ on my door, asking to come in. I couldn’t resist, I let him in.

Anne doesn’t live here anymore, so when a good friend of hers who does offered to lead the bible study, I jumped at the chance to participate. I had never participated in a bible study before, but I signed up anyway…I mean how could I not? For ten weeks we thoroughly explored the entire book of Nehemiah, which I’m now sure is what I should have done in the first place. He really is an inspiration and I can’t believe I gave up on him so easily. I have learned so much by studying God’s word through his story.

The bible study is titled, “Rising from the Ruins – Restoring the Broken Places of Our Lives.” It starts out asking us to really examine our own “ruins”. At this point I didn’t really think I had any ruins that were still in need of repair. As my story has told, I’ve been walking with God and thought that my wounds had been healed, my walls rebuilt. I had found my peace. But after going through this journey with Nehemiah I realized that they had not been completely restored. After studying his WHOLE story I have a much better understanding of my missteps along the way and why things went the way they did. I want to share with you just a few of the things that Nehemiah has taught me:

Patience
Looking back on my ruins always made me think that I’d done something wrong, disobeyed God, but what I’ve found is that it is quite the opposite. God would ask me to take a step in faith and I would obey. Except instead of taking one step, I’d take four! I was trying to take over for God…not being patient. It just never moved fast enough for me. If I was experiencing something painful, I just wanted to get through it as fast as possible so I could be done with it. Like a band-aid – just rip it off real fast so it doesn’t hurt as much! If it was something good that I was excited about, I just wanted to skip right to it…start instantly living the good life! When things didn’t go the way I thought they should, I immediately thought it was a course correction, like I hadn’t heard God right at all. I thought I’d made a mistake. What I wasn’t accounting for was that God knows the bigger picture and if I trust Him, He will use all things for good. I had not been trusting Him!

Anne makes such a good point in her study on Pg. 11 where she says, “God is sovereign and He always has a plan for the waiting. When He calls us to a time of waiting, it is always for His greater purpose in our life. Our passion cannot run ahead of God’s provision or the plan will become ours, not God’s.”

That’s exactly what I had been doing – running ahead, making it MY plan! To drive this point home even further, she says on Pg. 22, “[Nehemiah] did all of the groundwork and had everything in place BEFORE he shared what God put in his heart to do for Jerusalem.” She was referring to this verse:

NEH 2:11-12
“I went to Jerusalem, and after staying there three days I set out during the night with a few men. I had not told anyone what my God had put in my heart to do for Jerusalem…”

What?! Good to know! I could have used that information about four years ago! Remember the first time I visited NEH I was directed to 2:17-18, which told me that I should “share” my vision with others. So that’s exactly what I did and we know how that turned out. Funny thing is if I had done a little more due diligence and read the five or six verses prior to those, things might have worked out quite differently. By not being patient and trying to speed things up myself, I only succeeded at drastically slowing them down! If I had only trusted God the first time he told me to be patient, I probably could have realized my dream already and moved on to an even bigger one!

God is Our Protector and Defender
In examining my ruins I was reminded of another test of my faith which occurred while I was learning about patience. Practically every time I would tell someone my job-loss story they would respond the same way:

“Are you going to sue? They can’t get away with that? They owe you.”

To be honest, I really contemplated it. I even consulted with a lawyer who thought that I had a pretty solid case, but at what price? I asked myself what I really had to gain besides maybe a year’s worth of pay from a broken promise, and who knew how long that would take. It could be a slow, stressful process, not exactly good for a pregnant lady. And who exactly would I be getting back? Ultimately I would only end up hurting the one person that had been on my side through the whole ordeal – one of my favorite people, my old-boss. The others that had contributed to my ruination wouldn’t suffer a bit - they didn’t own the company. It would be no skin off their backs. Nope! - I decided to leave it in God’s hands, not the court’s, to serve justice and to bring me and my family through this difficult financial time. He is the higher power! I’m positive that’s what He wanted me to do, because He’s been taking great care of us ever since.

During this study I realized that this part of my story is a perfect example of God as defender. The bible says in Proverbs 18:10, “The name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe.”

This image is so beautiful to me, especially when Anne ties it together with Nehemiah’s efforts to rebuild the wall. She says on Pg. 33, “Just as the physical structure of a tower along a city wall was proposed for protection, defense, and safeguarding a city, scripture teaches us that our LORD God does the same for us…[He is] our Protector, Defender, and the one who Safeguards us in our journey. He is positioned next to our weak and vulnerable places [just like the towers are positioned next to the gates in the wall].” On Pg. 35 she goes on to call Him our “escort” – “He protects us. He defends us. Whatever we need to carry out His cause on the earth. He will be our divine escort on the journey. He is our personal armed guard.” Looking back I can definitely see that He has escorted me safely out of many difficult situations (remember my first business venture)!

When I was suddenly left job-less I felt many emotions. Besides being scared for the future, I felt angry and humiliated! How could they break their promise like that? I wanted them to pay. I wanted to defend myself and send a message that they couldn’t treat me like that and just get away with it unscathed. I wanted to sue them! But thankfully I was already trusting God and He gave me the peace I needed to deal with all of those emotions. Who knows – if I had decided to take matters of justice into my own hands I might still be dealing with that mess today. Ugh - that would suck! Looking back, I now know that making the decision to let God do the defending and protecting for me, was the final piece to finding my peace.

And there actually was some redemption when the tail that was wagging the dog fell off anyway. About three months after my “trial”, two of my main objectors, the ones that everyone was trying so hard to please, left the firm anyway and started their own. Ahhh – a little sweet justice! And just think if I had actually started working there, I would have been blamed for that! There is a God and He is good! I’m so glad I trusted Him. He knows what is best for me, and that was not it!

My next post will be the fourth and final one of the series. I have a little bit more to share about what I’ve learned from Nehemiah and then I promise I’ll wrap it up. I hope you are finding it inspiring…or something! Be on the lookout for Nehemiah’s Grand Finale – NEH Part IV.

Screw Nehemiah - NEH Part II

2010-12-20T22:58:00.003-06:00

“Dear God,
How could you LET this happen? I thought I was doing exactly what you wanted me to do. I thought I was obeying. I started going to church, I stopped borrowing money, I’ve been tithing faithfully for years…what am I supposed to do now? Why would you lead me to Nehemiah and inspire and encourage me like that? I went for it. I stepped out in faith to rebuild my own personal wall and did more harm than good. You know what – screw Nehemiah! I’m sorry God but I’m upset! The ruins are now worse and I don’t know how to fix them! Please help me - help me understand what I’m doing wrong. I know that I can’t make it through this without you, but apparently I’m not hearing you very well. Show me what I’m missing. What have I done to cause this to happen? Please forgive me for whatever it is and thank you for loving me regardless – Amen!”

Monday, September 17, 2007 – I sat there stunned, alone in my car, tears falling onto the phone in my lap. Seriously…what just happened? I was dressed for work and ready to go. I had just dropped my daughter off at school, kindergarten, where she would go for half a day and then catch a bus over to daycare. I wasn’t thrilled with this arrangement, but it’s what you’ve got to do when you’re a working mom right?

*If you haven’t already read How I Met Nehemiah – NEH Part I, posted on Dec. 17, 2010, I suggest you do so now.

So back to 2007…I was supposed to start my new job that day, the new job that I had totally conceived of and created for myself. The new, bigger, better job that I thought was a blessing from God since He’s the one who gave me the vision in the first place. And then I even consulted His advice by turning to the bible. And there was my answer right there, under the word “Vision”, the ONLY reference was to Nehemiah 2:17-18. So I took ol’ Nehemiah’s example and ran with it. I mean it just doesn’t get any clearer than that does it?! Then tell me, how could I have possibly just heard those words from one of my favorite people in the world?...

“I’m going to have to rescind my offer”, said my old-boss who was supposed to be my new-boss starting that very day.

Once again, the walls were crumbling. I can’t say that it was a total surprise. I’d had a foreshadowing the week before, but I never thought it would turn out like this. When word at the company had gotten around that I would be returning there was some serious push-back. Unlike Nehemiah, I was failing to inspire with my vision. Apparently people really don’t like change and I was coming back with plans to make all kinds of changes. In my talks with the principal partners we had anticipated this reaction to some degree but I was told they were not running a democracy and that their word was final. Anyone opposed would just have to learn to deal with it. Obviously that was not reality and they had a serious case of the tail wagging the dog! The week before, the masses had started to protest so loudly with their pitchforks in hand, that an emergency meeting was called.

In attendance: Me, my old-boss, the other two principals, a designer (who used to work for me and was apparently none-too-thrilled with our new arrangement - looking back I can't really say that I blame her), two other architects and the marketing person (none of whom I’d ever worked with before but they all thought I was stepping on their toes in a big way!)

I will forever refer to this meeting as “My Trial”. Now I’ve never actually been on trial, but this is what I imagine it would feel like. The trial took place in the living room of one of the principal’s homes, and even though he had previously approved of my hiring, he had now taken up the neutral position of what he called “mediator” (you don’t want to know what I called it)! We were all sort of sitting in a circle around the room but it was really more like an egg-shape with me and my old-boss sitting at the smaller end facing the surrounding angry mob. I was like the criminal on trial and he was my counsel, not only defending me, but also his decision to hire me.

After a couple of hours of cross-examination, we concluded the trial with no real verdict. Everyone decided that they would continue to deliberate over the remainder of the week. I was leaving the next day on a short family vacation, and would not be back until the weekend. I was supposed to start work the following Monday so my old-boss and I agreed that I would call first before showing up to work.

You already know what happened on that call. I was suddenly unemployed with a new, bigger, better mortgage and a second baby on the way. How are we going to pay for all this? I was virtually unemployable for the next nine months. Let’s face it, nobody wants to hire someone that can’t travel too far and is then going to take leave for three months!

So as I continued to cry and pray, I asked Him,

“What do you want me to do? Whatever it is, I will do it!” What I heard in response was,

“Trust me. Be patient. I will let you know when you need to act. Until then accept this time as a gift”.

Hmm, I like gifts. “Okay, I’ll be patient”, I said somewhat skeptical, “But you’re going to have to help me explain this to my husband, my family, my friends, and anyone else who might think that I have totally lost it!”

“Done!” He said, and then He reminded me that my old-boss had offered me a month’s pay of my would-have-been salary for all of the turmoil.

“Trust me”, He repeated, “It’s enough. Be patient.”

This wasn’t the first time that He told me to be patient, but I think it was the first time that I actually listened. And let me just say that it went against every fiber of my being to not be out there trying to fix the situation. But God proved Himself faithful when that money turned out to be EXACTLY what we needed to get us through to the end of the year. And then my husband got his year-end bonus, the biggest one he’d ever had, and along with some careful planning, that was enough to get us through to the next year!

It was at this point that I realized that I could completely trust God. Just like he walked us out of the mess I created with my first business venture, he would walk us out of this one - a mess that was created by the hurt from the loss of my baby. Rather than being patient and allowing Him to heal that hurt, I ran as fast as I could away from that pain in pursuit of the better plans that He had promised.

Realizing that I was not able to fix ANYthing (I was actually making things worse), and knowing that we had enough money for a little while, allowed me to relax and let go. I quit worrying about getting a job (which was a little unnerving for my husband as he now shouldered all of the financial responsibility) and started to see this time as exactly what it was - a GIFT! Now I would have more time to spend with my daughter. She wouldn’t have to go to aftercare anymore (remember - I was less than impressed with that arrangement anyway)! I could rest and just focus on having a happy pregnancy and a healthy baby. And that’s exactly what I did, giving birth to my beautiful son on Valentine’s Day of all days!

He is now almost three years old. We still live in our new, bigger, better house and we have not had to borrow any more money to do so. As a matter of fact, we are poised to be completely debt-free (except for the house) very soon. I must mention that my husband is an excellent provider and he has been keeping the faith right along with me! The past three years have been nothing short of a miracle. We are so blessed and these trials that we continue to go through have made our marriage even stronger and brought our family closer together. God really does know what He is doing. I am now perfectly content to let Him handle things!

You may be wondering what happened to my relationship with Nehemiah. Do I still hold a grudge against him for leading me so astray? How does my story inspire anyone to consult the bible when looking for answers? When I went there I found him, but following his example certainly didn’t seem to work out at all! Well stay tuned for my next post because, My Boyfriend’s Back – NEH Part III.

How I Met Nehemiah - NEH Part I

2010-12-17T15:08:00.003-06:00

“Dear God,
Thank you for giving me a vision and the understanding that I need to share my vision with others. Thank you that this sharing has resulted in a new job for me with better pay, more responsibility and control, and also the resources and ability to bring my vision to light! Thank you for introducing me to Nehemiah. I am inspired by his pursuit of his vision to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. I am ready to start my own rebuilding. Amen!”

I was introduced to Nehemiah in March 2007 which resulted in this prayer a few months later. Over the last four years he has taken me on quite a journey, meaning there is no possible way to cover it in just one blog post. So I’ll hit the high points and skip the details because they can make up entire testimonials on there own. This is Part I of a four-part series. My intent is to post them all a few days apart, before the end of the year (2010). So let’s get started...

God and I had grown quite close over the past few years. I had started a franchise remodeling business and had borrowed a lot of money to do it. It didn’t take long to realize I was in way over my head. It was then that I really started seeking God’s guidance. I’d always believed in Him and prayed to Him, but never really consulted Him on what I should be doing. To be quite honest I didn’t even know that I was supposed to. Up to that point I could count on one hand the number of times I’d attended a church service. So it shouldn’t come as a surprise that when I finally did ask Him what to do, He sent me to church.

I loved church and through my growing relationship with God, I started to understand that I had to get out of this business venture. Being in debt is never a good thing and in order to stay afloat we would have to borrow even more money. The stakes were becoming too high for our family. I consulted God every step of the way. Almost immediately I had a buyer for my franchise, debt was being forgiven, a new tenant resumed my office lease, and on top of all that, a new job fell right into my lap without me even looking for it. God provided the path, took my hand, and escorted me right out of that mess with hardly a scratch, proving once again that He never abandons.

Although my new job was not exactly a perfect fit, I just knew God had me there for a reason. After all, we were close to being out of debt and thrilled to find out that baby number two was on the way. And then I had a life-altering experience. At 8 weeks, I lost our baby…CRASH! My walls were crumbling! I thought I was doing everything right. I didn’t understand and I asked God,

“Why are you punishing me?”

“I’m not,” He replied. “I just have different, better plans for you. Be patient.”

Well as someone who likes to think they're in control, I’m not very patient…and what could be better than a baby? After my miscarriage I was in such a funk that I downright despised going to work. I mean really what was the point? So in my typical, not-so-patient fashion, I set about to create a point. I decided that we needed a new, bigger, better, house. Yes – this would surely fix everything! If I couldn’t have my baby then by gosh the rest of my life was going to look the way I wanted!

Then in the midst of that process I decided I also needed a new bigger, better, job. In my mind a vision was forming. I was heading up my own interior design firm (if you don’t already know, I am a professional interior designer). I was full of ideas about how interior designers and architects could work together more cohesively, not only to design better projects but also make them more profitable. I was certain this vision was from God. I mean surely if His better plans didn’t include a baby they must include a successful career, right?!

After some pondering I knew what I wanted to do, but I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t have any money and I’d already learned that it’s never wise to borrow it. So I decided to try something new. I consulted God’s word. Yep – it only took me 35 years to figure out that I should crack open a bible every now and then.

Not really knowing what I was doing, I looked up the word “vision” in the back of the bible. There was only one reference which read,

“inspire others with yours…NEH 2:17-18.”

This is the precise moment that Nehemiah entered my life. If you’re not familiar with Nehemiah (I’d never even heard of him), he is from the Old Testament and was responsible for bringing God’s chosen people back together to rebuild the wall around Jerusalem. To sum up verses 17-18, he basically has a conversation with city officials telling them that although the city lies in ruins, the gracious hand of God had been upon him and that it was time to rebuild the wall. The city officials agreed, so they began the good work.

It was a nice passage, but what really got me was the Cliff’s Notes at the bottom of the page, you know, that running commentary written by someone way smarter than you to basically translate the message that God wants you to know. From the Life Application Study Bible, New Living Translation, this is what it said:

“Spiritual renewal often begins with one person’s vision. Nehemiah had a vision, and he shared it with enthusiasm, inspiring Jerusalem’s leaders to rebuild the walls. We frequently underestimate people and don’t challenge them with our dreams for God’s work in the world. When God plants an idea in your mind to accomplish something for him, share it with others and trust the Holy Spirit to impress them with similar thoughts. Don’t regard yourself as the only one through whom God is working. Often God uses one person to express the vision and others to turn it into reality. When you encourage and inspire others, you put teamwork into action to accomplish God’s goals.”

So that was it! In order to rebuild my own personal wall I needed to share my vision with others, and I knew just the right person - my old-boss. He’s a principal partner at the architectural firm where I got my start right out of college and worked my way up to being an associate partner. I had left on good terms choosing to spend more time with my newborn daughter. We had kept in touch since my departure and he knew all about my business venture (and failure) and my new job. He was and still is one of my favorite people on the planet, so of course he was the perfect person with which to share my vision. Not only is he a visionary himself, but he could provide the resources that I would need to put this plan into action.

So I called him up, we had a meeting, he was intrigued. He asked me to put together a brief business plan outlining my proposal that he could take to the other partners. I did. He shared, which kicked off a round of various interview type meetings over the course of the next six months. Finally in August he hired me to head up a new interior design branch of the firm. Implementing my ideas, we were going to take it in a whole new direction. I was to start in September.

During that same six months we sold our old house and moved into the new, bigger, better one. We also unexpectedly (and much to our delight) got pregnant again and passed that iffy first trimester. I was flying high! A new house, a baby on the way, and a new higher-paying job that was more suited to my talents. God had placed a vision in my heart and by seeking His will through His word I had obeyed and doors had been opened. I just knew we were going to be wildly successful, I mean with God on my side, what could possibly go wrong?...To be continued in Part II – Screw Nehemiah!

It's Time to Say Grace!

2010-11-26T16:37:00.001-06:00

“Dear God,
Thank you for providing us with this beautiful meal. And thank you for all of our family and friends, especially those here at this table and also those that could not be with us today. Thank you for loving us and blessing us. And thank you so much for sending us your one and only son so that we may live these extraordinary lives. It is in His name we pray – Amen!”

At least that’s how I remember it. It was short and sweet, not the most eloquent prayer ever, but nonetheless the best one I’ve ever delivered. You see, yesterday (Nov. 25, 2010) was Thanksgiving and it’s the first time in all my 39 years that I’ve ever said grace or even prayed out loud, alone, in front of a group of people. Some of you may be shocked by this because you pray out loud for people all the time. It just comes naturally to you, almost like breathing. Well let me clue you in on the fact that there is a whole other group of people out there, Christ followers even like me that break out in a cold sweat just at the thought of praying out loud!

If you haven’t figured out from my blog yet, I pray by myself all the time. It’s like I have this on-going conversation with God all day long. From when I wake in the morning to when I go to bed at night. Don’t get me wrong – I’m not implying that I am a perfect pray-er, far from it, and some days I’m better than others. But even though I talk to Him a lot, I often forget to actually consult Him first – duh! Or I start talking to Him when I need something – sound familiar? But for the most part I feel like He is my best friend that I can share with at anytime. I mean I might as well right? He knows what I’m thinking and feeling anyway so I might as well purposely include Him in my internal dialogue. I know when I do it always helps me keep a clear head and make the best decisions possible.

So my point to all of this is that it may seem strange that I’ve never prayed out loud in front of others even to say grace. I guess I feel like my relationship with God is very personal and I’m very protective of it. I don’t really want to include others in it. Kind of like when you’re a teenager (immature) and you don’t want your best friend to have any other friends besides you. But as I’ve become a more “mature” Christian I’ve realized that God wants me to share this special relationship because it is available to everyone. And unlike our earthly relationships, He is capable of being there for all us, one-on-one, anytime, anywhere, for as long as we want. After all He is God – I mean He only created us!

So when I woke up yesterday morning I started praying about something, totally unrelated to Thanksgiving, that’s set to happen next week and I’ve been worrying about it. I don’t like to worry, so I usually just take it to God to release me of it. He has this awesome way of giving me peace. So as I’m praying about it, out of the blue He just tells me that I need to say grace today at lunch.

What?! Where’d that come from? We’re talking about next week! Not today’s meal…I’m not worried about today.

But therein lies the beauty of the situation, I stopped worrying about next week, because I was now worried about what I was going to say today at grace! Ha – what a sense of humor our God has. But I actually didn’t worry about it too much because once I got out of bed I was busy preparing for the meal up to the time. So I obeyed Him and I said it and I don’t think anyone even blinked an eye over it. I’m probably the only one who felt the least bit uncomfortable about it, with the exception of my daughter who leaned over and whispered to me,

“What did you just do?”

“I prayed!” I hissed back, embarrassed that she didn’t even recognize what I was doing.

“Oh” she said, “I didn’t do it.” Probably because her mind was so busy trying to figure out what had come over her mother!

So the real moral of the story is that I did it and I’m glad because EVERY time I obey God it benefits me - maybe not immediately, but eventually. In this case I believe I got the immediate satisfaction about not worrying about next week. It’s useless anyway, just like the bible says:

Don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today. (Matthew 6:34 NLT)

So today I woke up thinking about how profound the whole situation had been and again He called me to action. He told me to blog about it and share my story with you all! I believe the lesson here is to always be thankful and obey God (which is something that He constantly has to remind me)! He knows what’s best for us! It’s been a wonderful Thanksgiving, I hope for you all as well! – Thank you God for everything!

Forgive My Fear

2010-08-31T11:46:00.001-05:00

“Dear God,
Thank you so much for all of the blessings that you give to me and my family. Please forgive me for my guilt, my fear, my lack of faith. Please forgive me because I’m grateful that it didn’t happen to me!”

This is probably not going to be my greatest post of all time, mostly because I don’t even want to write it. I just want to stop thinking about it - It being death. But I can’t and I won’t be able to move on to the next post (something I actually want to think about) until I’ve gotten this one out of my head and off of my heart. So here it goes…

This has probably been the worst summer ever. Not for me, but for a lot of people I know. I know 3 people that have died this summer, 3 unrelated, individual deaths. I did not know any of them on a real personal level, not even well enough to attend their funerals. But I am close to some of the people they left behind and it is those people, their loved ones that I can’t get off my mind. They are the ones that I pray for. They are the ones my heart breaks for. They are the ones that have been occupying the space in mind that is prone to worry and ponder. How will they go on? How will they pick themselves up and continue to live life?

So as I pay my respect to the following dearly departed, I also pray for their loved ones that have been left behind, shattered - People whom I also love.

A 13-year old boy. My friend’s grandson, killed in an ATV accident on Memorial weekend. I don’t know the rest of the family at all, but I know he left behind his mom and dad and 16-year old sister. I can’t stop thinking about what I would have done had I lost my little brother when I was only 16. My heart especially breaks for her.

A dad. A grandpa. My close friend’s father-in-law, killed by an inoperable brain tumor. His first symptoms and diagnosis at the beginning of June. Gone before August. I do not know my friend’s husband well, but my heart goes out to him. I can’t even imagine what it feels like to lose a parent, especially when you are close like they were - Like me and my parents are.

A husband. A young dad – 35. My brother’s best friend’s brother, killed in a medical helicopter accident. He was a flight nurse on his way to save someone else. He died tragically, yet honorably. My brother grew up with both of them and they were only one year apart. They continued to be friends until this day. My brother was with his friend, fishing, when his parents called to let him know about the accident. Again, I’m not close to the young man’s family, but I am close to my brother, and he is hurting. What if that happened to my best friend…my brother, my husband, my son?

I know that all 3 are in a far better place, finally free of their earthly shackles. It is all of those who loved them, left behind, that I now pray for. I have lifted them up in prayer what seems like a hundred times. But it doesn’t matter how many times I do it, it won’t change what happened. I wish it would. And I feel guilty because while I mean what I’m praying for them, I can’t stop thinking, “I’m glad it isn’t me”! And then I enter a downward shame spiral over the fact that that’s what I’m thinking! Only then the guilt turns to fear, because I know that someday it is going to be me. Someday I will be the one to suffer the unthinkable loss. My world shattered. My daily existence, the core of my being, altered forever. And someday I will be the one to die, shattering and altering my loved ones forever. It is a thought which I can hardly stand. And I’m left with the inevitable truth that it doesn’t matter how blessed I am, how grateful I am, how sinful I am, how obedient I am. How fat or thin I am, how rich or poor I am. Death is an inescapable part of life and we will all be touched by it.

I have experienced death of a love one before, but never of the same magnitude as these 3 - Never a parent, a child, a brother, a close friend. In that way I have lived such a blessed life. I should thank God for that everyday, but sometimes I’m afraid, like if I actually start thanking Him I might call attention to the fact that I have never really experienced anything that life-shattering. I know that I do not deserve to escape such loss anymore than anyone else. If I remind God of this by thanking Him, maybe He will then decide it is my due. I know that is silly. God already knows exactly what I have and have not experienced and what I will experience in the future. I know He loves me and all of His children. I know that He has plans for me, to prosper me and not to harm me (Jeremiah 29:11). But still, sometimes the silly side of me wins.

So how do you deal with the truth of death once you’ve admitted it or actually experienced it? The only way I know of is to turn to God. To have faith that He has prepared a home for us infinitely better than this life. A home where God and all of our loved ones await our arrival for the greatest reunion of all time!

“Until then God, I humbly ask you to forgive me for the guilt, shame, and fear I have about death and will no doubt continue to have all the rest of my days. And as I know that you have already forgiven me, I too forgive you for the loss I will someday have to face. I have faith that whatever that loss looks like or feels like; I will be able to endure with you by my side. Thank you God for not giving me a spirit of fear; but one of power, and love, and of a sound mind! (2 Timothy 1:7).”

“I also want to especially pray that you continue to comfort and heal the hearts of those suffering the loss of Nick, Art, and Ryan! May they Rest in Peace! It is in Jesus name that I pray for them all – Amen!”

24 Hour Turnaround

2010-07-07T14:54:00.001-05:00

“Dear God,
Please let something good happen to Tricia today! I woke up thinking (worrying) about her. She’s not doing so great. She’s been so faithful and patient throughout this trial and it just seems like one bad thing after another. I get the feeling that both her patience and her faith are starting to wane. Please give her something, ANYthing that will renew her strength and peace. Something that could only be from You. By no means am I trying to tell you how to do your job, but could you please make it today? She could really use a boost! Thank you for loving us! – Amen!”

If you’ve read my 1st post ever (Jan 2010) you know that Tricia is my best friend of 25 years. You also know that she went through a divorce and a month after finalizing that she was downsized from her job as a pharmaceutical rep. It was a conversation that we had that prompted me start this blog. If you haven’t already read that 1st post I encourage you to do so now. This is the follow-up.

I said the above prayer before getting out of bed one morning. At the time Tricia had been out of work for almost a year and the stress was really starting to get her down. Leads on jobs were few and far between. I wanted to call her right away to check on how she was doing, but thought I should probably give God at least a little time to work His magic. About 3 hours later my phone rang and it was her. I was just sure she was calling me with some good news. Even if it was just to say that she was in better spirits – I would consider that a prayer answered. So I picked up the phone…

“Hellooo…?” I said with anticipation.

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what happened to me!”

“What?” I asked, thinking this was going to be good!

“I went to take a bath this morning and when the tub was full I went to turn off the water but it wouldn’t turn off! It just kept running and running and I had to unplug the tub so that it wouldn’t overflow. Can you believe that? I mean how much worse can things get? There’s a plumber here right now trying to fix it.”

“Well…is he at least cute?” I asked trying to figure out an angle as to how this situation could be used for good.

“NO he’s not cute! Doesn’t the phrase ‘plumber’s crack’ mean anything to you? Plus it’s still early and he already smells like a sewer!”

At that we both burst out laughing! I mean seriously how much worse could it get?! By this point it was just comical! And then to add to the humor of it all, I told her about the prayer I’d said for her that morning (more laughter). As we tried to recover from our giggling she did manage to say that maybe I should keep my prayers to myself. Either that or be much more specific about what I wanted for her! Then she asked if she could call me back because the plumber needed to speak with her.

“OK” I said, “just breathe through your mouth!” – more giggles!

When she called back she was in much better spirits because not only had the plumber fixed the problem but he also fixed the leak that she’d had prior, and he did it all for under $200. We thought that was pretty good considering that it was an emergency call and she’d gotten more than she’d bargained for. So maybe that was the good thing. Or maybe this was a blessing in disguise because the weathermen were all predicting a severe snow/ice storm 100% to be moving in the next day. What if her faucet broke during that time? That would really be bad!

After we hung up I felt relieved that we had been able to find some humor in the moment and that it actually did turn out in her favor. I thanked God for that and went about my day. At about 4:00 that afternoon Tricia called again,

“Hellooo…?”

“Oh my gosh! You’re never going to believe what just happened to me!”

“Oh no”, I thought, “What now?”

“I just got a call from a friend of mine about a lead on a pharmaceutical position. He knows the hiring manager really well and can put in a good word for me, but I also know the hiring manager because he used to work for the same company as me, and the job sounds perfect! How’s that for something good happening to me today?”

“That’s awesome!” I replied.

“From now on I’m just going to send you a list everyday and I expect you to get busy praying since you seem to have a 24-hour turnaround!”

Tricia did in fact get that job and I take FULL credit (just kidding)! It was all her (with God of course!) and it wasn’t easy. It’s a really competitive environment to begin with, but right now there are a lot of talented, quality people out there looking for work. She went through several rounds of interviews and even came down with laryngitis on one of the most crucial days. But she had God’s favor and He proved that He can overcome ALL obstacles! He always provides exactly what we need, exactly when we need it!

As far as my “24 hour prayer turnaround” goes, she’s absolutely right! I am blessed with a direct line to God, but guess what? – so is she and so are you. I’m not saying that God always answers prayers exactly the way we want Him to, or even when we want Him to. But I know for certain that the moment we pray to Him (probably even before that), He starts working on the BEST solution for us, and only He knows what that is. We just have to have faith that He’s going to deliver the absolute greatest outcome with His own perfect timing. Often, this is a tough lesson in patience, but always worth the wait! I just got lucky with this particular prayer in that it happened to line up with His perfect will!

I recently asked Tricia if she felt like she had that one BIG testimony now. Her answer as I expected was “no”, but only because she came to realize that it isn’t really about that one BIG event. She feels like her particular testimony is more about her “time in the wilderness” as she calls it (referencing Matthew 4:1, KJV/ NLT), where she learned to be faithful, obedient, patient, and trusting of God. Her testimony is more about the journey, than a single event. It was a time in her life, that strange as it may seem, she will cherish forever as one of the best! The job was just the cherry on top! Amen for that!

God Bless This House

2010-06-26T16:12:00.001-05:00

“Dear God,
Bless this house oh Lord I pray, keep it safe by night and day” – Amen

I added this prayer to my repertoire when I was a young teenager. I spent a few weeks every summer with my grandparents and my grandma had a set of coasters with prayers printed on them. For some reason this one stuck with me. Maybe because it was so easy to remember – short, straight to the point, and it rhymed! I’ve been reciting it almost daily since then. It also comes in handy during Oklahoma storm season when we are huddled in our under-stair closet/shelter (with our bike helmets on via Gary England’s recommendation), praying that the tornado doesn’t get us or our house. So far, so good!

I believe wholeheartedly in this prayer. I’m positive that it has kept us safe on many occasions and that there have been more close-calls than I’ll ever even know about. But last week I witnessed this prayer in action. Oklahoma City experienced its rainiest day in history! There was flooding like you wouldn’t believe and we were all advised to stay put and NOT to drive around in it. There were pictures on the news within a mile of my house showing mini-vans and SUVs submerged in water with only their roofs visible. It was CRAZY to say the least!!!

I went upstairs to look out my daughter’s window to see how much rain was gushing down our street. When I moved her curtains aside I was immediately hit in the face by dripping water. The rain was coming down so hard, so fast, and at just the right angle that it had found its way inside through the attic vent above her window. We had experienced this same leak shortly after moving in 3 years ago, but we’d had it “fixed” under our limited warranty. Well it obviously was NOT fixed, but this was the first time since then that it rained just the right way to find that leak again. I taped some plastic sheeting to the window to direct the water flow over the wood window sill and onto some towels that I placed on top of 2 large baking sheets to keep the carpet dry. Pretty smart I know, but it was actually my husband’s idea. He wasn’t home to do it himself, which I know just killed him because he thrives on being the Fixer of all things. He of course had driven to work because the laws of nature do not apply to him! :-) Anyway, after all that, I said a quick prayer for the rain to stop and to minimize the damage. The rain eventually slowed down and so did the dripping. I’d heard reports of a neighborhood less than ½-mile from mine where almost all the houses were flooded. I was feeling very fortunate that all we’d had was a leak which could be fixed – Praise God!

Later that afternoon we were still experiencing thunderstorms but the crazy rain subsided and the dripping had stopped. My kids were both upstairs. Rylin was playing on the computer right outside her room and JD was taking a nap. I was downstairs in the kitchen emptying the dishwasher when there was the loudest clap of thunder I’ve ever heard. I jumped so high I’m surprised that I didn’t drop a dish! The power flickered on and off and I realized that there had been some sort of explosion accompanying that thunder. It was quiet – TOO quiet! Why weren’t the kids screaming like they normally would at thunder alone? I started running up the stairs.

“Rylin?...” I yelled nervously.

“Yeah?...Mommy, what was that?” I heard in a small, scared little voice. Relief washed through me! She was okay!

“I’m not sure baby. Did you hear an explosion too?”

“Yes! And I saw sparks out the window”.

Sparks! Uh oh, not good! I looked in her room and the window header that had been leaking was now hanging down and there was a sort of foggy haze floating around her room accompanied by a sick, burnt smell. I immediately went to gather my son, still in his sleepy daze. We hurriedly started down the stairs.

“Rylin go get your shoes on, quick!” I said while I went to get our puppy and put her in the backyard for the moment.

“Why? What happened? Why are you acting like that?”

“I think our house was struck by lightning!”

I dialed 911 and looked out the window to see if I could see anything. A fascia board from the top of the house was now in my front yard along with bits of brick. Oh my! The fireman told me they’d be there in a couple of minutes and to wait for them by the front door. I figured this was so we could make a quick escape if there was a fire, so I decided to strap the kids in the minivan and wait with the garage door opened. The firemen arrived right before I was headed to get the puppy from the backyard to load her into her car crate. I never had to because thank Heaven there was no fire. One fireman did tell me though that the lightning had struck the roof peak over the window and then probably traveled down through the water that had pooled at the leak, which then blew out that header and exploded through one of Rylin’s wall outlets in her built-in cabinet. He opened the white cabinet door to show me. The inside was completely black. Then another fireman who was up in the attic said,

“Hey man, you gotta come check this out! It’s pretty cool!”

Somehow I don’t think the words “pretty cool” would be how I would describe anything concerning this event – “horrific” maybe, “terrifying” perhaps! But I know he deals with scary, life-threatening situations all the time, so if it’s just “pretty cool” to him, I know I lucked out!

So today I’m definitely counting my blessings. It was a mass of melted wires and some 2x4’s that had been completely blown in half. But it’s all totally repairable and covered by insurance (minus a deductible of course). All the electrical has been fixed and checked to make sure it will not start a fire. The air-conditioner and the cable are back in working order (yeah! – two summer necessities when it’s this HOT outside!), and most importantly, nobody was hurt!

In the midst of the firemen being here, I went to check on the kids (remember - buckled in the mini-van?) and Rylin says,

“Your phone was ringing so I answered it. It was Daddy but I told him you couldn’t talk right now because you were with the firemen because the house had been struck by lightning. He said he’s coming home right now”.

Haha! She was so matter-of-fact. Poor Jace! His second opportunity in a day to manage a crisis and he’d missed it! Not really though, I packed up the kids and bunked at mom’s for 2 days and just let him go at it. He was in his element dealing with the aftermath. Oh, I need to count him as another blessing! I’ve lost count of what number that is! And one more for the list…since the lightning occurred in and damaged the exact same area where the leak was, it will be fixed in the process as well! Coincidence?...I don’t think so! It’s the power of prayer baby!

Thank you for blessing this house (Oh Lord I pray)! Please (continue to) keep it safe by night and day!!! - Amen

God Give Me the Eyes to See

2010-05-28T23:16:00.002-05:00

“OK God – here it goes…
Please heal my eyes! I’m 34 years old and starting to feel like I look all of it. When I started wearing glasses at age 26 I liked them because they made me look older (and oh so much wiser)…now I hate them because they make me look older! I also hate to wear contacts because they really bother me and I do not have the money for laser eye-surgery. So I’m boldly asking you to miraculously heal me or help me find the money for the surgery – something, anything so that I can ditch these glasses and start to feel attractive again. Thank you in advance and I pray to have a blessed week! – Amen”

Yes, I am fully aware of how preposterous this prayer sounds. I was fully aware of it when I prayed it. But here’s the thing – I had just finished reading a book called The Blessing of Favor, by Kate McVeigh, and it was a real eye-opener (pardon the pun). Up to this point I’d always known that God loves me, provides for me, and looks out for my best interest. What I did not know was that I had been limiting God’s presence in my life by only praying about what I considered to be the major things – like family, health, relationships, finances, etc. In this book I was shown that God wants to be present in ALL things in your life, even the silly and seemingly insignificant. If you think about it, what kind of message are we sending to God by not involving Him in everything? Am I really showing Faith that He will deliver on the BIG things if I do not even trust Him with the little things?

I used to feel guilty about bothering God with my petty little problems, especially when compared to the atrocities of this world; I’ve got it pretty darn good! I used to think that God doesn’t have time for this. He has much bigger problems to handle. Not to mention that I didn’t want to seem unappreciative of the wonderful life that I lead. But this book revealed to me a simple truth:

If it is important to me, then it is important to Him!

What I wasn’t accounting for is that God is much, much bigger than this world and all of its problems. My relationship with Him is personal and there is enough of Him to go around to everyone! I was unknowingly diminishing Him by not acknowledging His almighty power and His desire for intimacy with each and every one of us. The book challenged us to give it all to God, even the little things. If we feel that we need or even just want something – Ask! You know the old adage, “Ask and you shall receive” (And whatever things you ask in prayer, believing, you will receive - Matthew 21:22 NKJV).

So therein lay my problem…not only did I have to get over feeling like a narcissistic brat to ask such a thing, but I also had to believe that I would receive it. You just saw my prayer; I was having a hard time believing that some miracle was going to be provided to heal my eyes. But in order to really put this so-called-truth to the test, I had to come up with something that was important to me, yet rather trivial to the world, and it had to be something absurd enough that if it came to pass the only explanation would be God!

I prayed that prayer on a Saturday night. When I awoke on Sunday my eyes were miraculously healed – just kidding! Nothing had changed. My vision was exactly the same, so I put on my glasses and went about my morning. I decided to go to the bookstore, so I packed up my then 4 year old daughter and headed off. When I pulled into the parking lot I realized that I did not have on a stitch of make-up, zip, zero, zilch! You have to understand, I NEVER go anywhere without at least some concealer, mascara, and lip gloss. Even then I usually don’t plan to get out of the car. Ugh! I’m still not sure how I could have forgotten this fact, especially considering how unattractive I’d been feeling lately anyway because of the whole glasses issue!

But I was already there and still feeling pretty vain about the prayer I’d had the audacity to pray. So I decided to make it a quick in-and-out. That was forgetful mistake #2; nothing is quick when you’re hauling around a 4 year old! I was done with my business in less than 5 minutes, but my daughter had spotted the toy train set-up and protested very loudly when I tried to breeze on past it without so much as a glance. Not wanting to call any unnecessary attention to my unmade-up self, I stopped for a minute to let her play.

Out of the corner of my eye I saw someone approaching me with a look of recognition on her face…"Of course!” I thought, “Someone I know has spotted me”. But as she approached, clearly to speak to me, I realized that I did not know her. This very pretty young woman walked right up to me and very purposefully and directly said:

“You have a beautiful daughter.” Okaaay – not the first time I’d ever heard this…

“Thank you”, I said, somewhat creeped out by her intense eye-to-eye contact. But it’s what she said next that sent a shiver down my spine:

“And you look really pretty in your glasses.”

Whaaaaat?! Who says stuff like that to complete strangers? Not only did I NOT look pretty that day…but why would you add “in your glasses”?! I was so shocked by her words that I only half caught what she said next,

“I was Miss Teen something or other…back in 19…, and I know pretty!”

I’m not sure if I even thanked her in that moment. I’m fairly certain I was speechless. But just as quickly as she’d approached me, she turned to leave, adding as she walked away:

“Have a blessed week!”

I know!!! To say that I was stunned would be an understatement! I have no doubt that God spoke directly to me through this woman. The reason it was SO amazing and that I know 100% that it was God is because she used the exact words that I’d used in my prayer, and He was the only one who’d heard them. I believe God was just letting me know that what is important to me IS most definitely important to Him. And although He didn’t answer my prayer exactly the way I’d hoped, He definitely let me know that He was listening and He cared! He may not have healed my eyes, but He healed my heart. He let me know that I was beautiful in His eyes, and that’s all that matters. Since that day I’ve never cared about wearing my glasses. In fact, I wear them proudly!

God Is In the Strangest Places!

2010-04-30T22:01:00.001-05:00

“Dear God, I have been feeling sorry for myself. I’m tired of praying. I’ve been doing it for awhile now and for the first time that I can really remember it’s becoming clear that those prayers will not be answered. At least not the way I would like for them to be. I must admit I’ve been feeling pretty abandoned. Where have you been? I thought I could always count on you. Why are you letting this happen?”

I don’t know that I actually said this as a prayer. But I do remember that is how I felt for a long time after my dad left in the summer between my freshman and sophomore year of college. My parents had actually announced their divorce 6 months prior. To say it was a shock would be putting it mildly. I’d been fortunate enough to grow up and graduate with both my parents seemingly, happily married. How did this happen? Apparently a lot had transpired over the past year of which I was completely oblivious. I had been wrapped up in prom and high school graduation. After that I was completely immersed in being a college freshman and a sorority pledge. Life was good! But during my first winter break my parents dropped the divorce bombshell and my dad moved out – for a day. And then for whatever reason, he changed his mind, returning the next day, apologizing, and saying that he had made a mistake and that he and my mom were going to work it out. I believed him and returned to college trying to live out my freshman year in ignorant bliss (a.k.a. denial). I remember a friend of mine bluntly saying to me,

“You know they’re going to get divorced don’t you?”

And as mad as I was at him for saying that – he was right. I was devastated.

There is obviously a lot more to this story, but rather than dwell on the depressing details, I’d like to focus on the turn around. The moment I began to heal. I can pinpoint it exactly, the instant when God reached out to me and said,

“I’m here and I will never leave you”.

It was late into fall semester sophomore year. I had been really down and somewhat withdrawn. I went home every weekend to make sure my brother and mom were okay and to just be close to them. I refused to speak to my dad. I did not invite him to the University’s Dad’s Day. I was angry, not only at him, but also at God. I stopped talking to Him too. He was no longer invited into my life either. But here’s where I learned one of the greatest lessons about His love…He’s not that easy to get away from! Let me just say that God shows up in the most unexpected places –

Like the bathroom stall at my sorority house. I know it’s not a pleasant visual but I’m sure that it was only #1! Anyway, on the back of each stall door there was always a printed calendar that one of my “sisters” so painstakingly put together each month. Besides keeping us all apprised of our upcoming activities, there were always fun little musings, quotes, jokes, etc. that were incorporated into each month’s calendar.

So I was reading the calendar and this one little box just jumped out and practically smacked me in the face. It read,

“God never closes one door without opening another. He didn’t deliver you this far to desert you now”.

I couldn’t take me eyes off that box. A whole new world opened up to me in an instant. I kept rereading it. It was as if it had been written just for me. Lord only knows how long I was actually in that stall. As hot tears streaked my face, I remember feeling comforted and kind of happy for the first time in a long time. I suddenly knew that somehow everything was going to be alright. It was then that I realized that God may not always answer our prayers the way we want him to, but he will never abandon us! It was in a word - Relief!

After that I had an overwhelming need to share this message with my mom and simply telling her about it just wasn’t going to cut it. Now I am not a real crafty person, but I had this undeniable urge to create something tangible to serve as a visual reminder that God is always with us. Much like I was reminded every time I stepped foot in that bathroom for the next month. So I cross-stitched the saying for her, (yeah you heard me…cross-stitched) hoping that it would have the same profound effect on her that it had on me. I hoped it would bring her some much needed comfort. I like to think that it did. She had it framed and to this day it is still hanging in her house, ironically in her bathroom! I don’t even think she knows that’s where I got the saying.

My healing did not happen overnight and I don’t mean for this story to imply otherwise. But I can tell you that I went into that stall a sad defeated little girl and emerged changed forever. My parents’ divorce is the worst and best thing that has ever happened to me, and to steal a saying from my mom, “If that’s the worst thing that ever happens to you, you’re pretty well off!" – I agree! Thankfully the worst part is over and with God’s help I was able to forgive and move on. I have gained such an appreciative perspective that only time can give. The experience not only brought me closer to God but also to my mom, brother, and eventually my dad. The best part though is remembering how God chased me down in a bathroom stall and refused to let me go! Amen for that!

7-Year Anniversary Miracle

2010-02-12T13:29:00.002-06:00

“Dear God,
Please forgive me for going into debt again. This time I have no excuse. I know better. Dave Ramsey was all over us. And we did get out of debt, everything but the house and student loan. But then I got the itch to start my own business, a franchise none the less, and went ahead and dove in, borrowing money all the way! I convinced myself that it was OK to borrow money in order to “make money”, knowing full well that Dave would not endorse this plan! So now here I sit knowing that you are talking directly to me through our Pastor, letting me know that it’s gotten out of hand. I hear you! I promise no more borrowing - not even for the business! Starting today! Please forgive me and help me untangle this mess! Thank you! Amen!”

So that was my prayer while sitting in church back in 2005, and I meant it with all my heart. The problem I realized when I awoke the next day was that it was my 7-year wedding anniversary and we were supposed to eat dinner that night at what I would consider the absolute best and probably most expensive restaurant in town. You know the kind of place with crisp white tablecloths where they scrape away your bread crumbs and fold your napkin while you’re away. The kind of place where no matter how hard you try, you cannot possibly get out of there for less than $100, plus where’s the fun in that? Needless to say, we did not have cash for this and would have to put it on the credit card, just one day after I had promised God that I would not be doing that anymore. So you’re probably thinking “What’s the big deal? Just eat somewhere less expensive”. But it was a big deal and here’s why:

This particular restaurant opened within a year of our wedding. It had been getting such rave reviews that we decided to splurge and celebrate our 1st anniversary there. The next day we left on a trip to San Francisco and ate at some fabulous restaurants, but we both agreed that the best meal we’d had all week was the one back home. So we have celebrated our anniversary at that same restaurant ever since. It’s now a tradition and something we look forward to every year!

So flash-forward 6 years and there I was, with my newfound conscience…why couldn’t I have skipped church that week? My husband Jace had even taken it upon himself to handle all the arrangements that year. He made the reservation (without me reminding or prodding) and set up babysitting. How was I going to break it to him that we just couldn’t go this year? I hadn’t exactly consulted him before making this promise. When I floated the idea of cancelling past him he just kind of gave me this “you-better-not-be-serious” look!

Tensions were high, so I was relieved to have lunch plans with my dear friend Tiffeni. (Please don’t judge my hypocritical lunch plans, there’s a big difference between $15 and $150)! So I’m telling Tiffeni all about my dilemma, knowing that she will understand. Ever since we were in college she’s been enlightening me in the ways of the Lord. Thank goodness this was one of those times. She told me that she thought God would understand our need to keep our date. It wasn’t like we just decided on a whim to go there. It was our thing, our ritual, and God appreciates ritual, especially when it concerns marriage. She said that while getting out of debt was no doubt important to God, so was our marriage and we should celebrate it in our usual fashion!

After lunch I felt much better (it didn’t hurt that Tiff took pity on me and bought my lunch on top of all her good advice)! I told Jace about our conversation and my new and improved outlook on the situation. We should just go to dinner, relax, have fun, and not worry about the money. And that’s exactly what we did!

While at the restaurant our server said she noticed that it was our 7th anniversary and that we had been celebrating there every year (apparently Jace had given some pretty good details in the “Special Occasion?” section of the online reservation– more points for him). She said that was pretty cool and since we were probably getting sick of the “standard” complimentary dessert that you get on special occasions, she was going to let us pick ANY dessert from the menu. What a treat! Although the standard was very good, we’d always looked at the other items with a hint of wonder. I felt somewhat comforted by this gesture in that perhaps God was giving us his approval for going ahead with our extravagant celebration.

When our server came back with our dessert we were excited to dig in. But as she set it in front of us she pulled out our bill and said,

“I’m going to go ahead and leave this with you but want to let you know that my manager is so appreciative that you’ve chosen to celebrate with us all these years that tonight your entire meal is on the house”.

What?! Jace and I just stared at each other for a few seconds. This was entirely unheard of…our $145 bill vanished in an instant. I held it together until our server was gone and then I just started to cry! I said to Jace,

“God is sitting right here at this table with us, right now”!

It was true, He was. We could feel Him. It was like He was just giving us a big ol’ warm hug. Like He was letting us know that He was proud of us and our love for one another. He knew that my promise to Him to stop the borrowing was real and one that I intended to keep. It was His anniversary gift to us!

It has not escaped my attention that this was our 7th anniversary. Instead of the so-called “7-year itch”, we experienced a 7-year miracle. The number 7 has great biblical significance and is said to symbolize God’s perfection. And that’s exactly what our 7th anniversary was – Perfection! This was a time when God and I were in direct communication. We are not always so close and I don’t always hear from Him so clearly, but I know that is my fault. Sometimes I forget to put God first and in those times when I don’t feel as close to him I remember this anniversary miracle. It reminds me that when I intentionally seek Him and His will for me, He is always there to respond. This is by far my favorite personal story to tell when trying to convey the depth of God’s love for us. It is not exclusive. He has equal love for each and every one of us. All we have to do to receive it is believe it!

***UPDATE*** This post now has a sequel that I think you will enjoy! Click here to read it.

A Blog for Average Ordinary Blessed People

2010-01-27T14:01:00.001-06:00

“OK God,
Is this really what you want me to do...Seriously? This is why you woke me up at 5:09 this morning? I know it’s now 6:27. I was hoping you’d leave me alone and let me go back to sleep. I’m not sure why I can’t just do this later this afternoon while JD naps. OK - I do. Because I won’t actually get to it. I’ll find something better to do, like laundry, or dishes, or bills, or TV, or Facebook…So here I am. You know I’m relying on you to give me the words - right? To be able to adequately explain (to anyone who might actually read this) exactly what it is that we are trying to accomplish - right? So here I go…wish me luck. Oh that’s right, I don’t need luck – I’ve got you! In Jesus name I pray – Amen!”

So you might be asking yourself, “What have I stumbled onto here? Some kind of prayer blog?” Well sort of, allow me to explain. I had this idea, a “divine revelation” you might call it, about 6 months ago (Summer 2009). I was having a phone conversation with my best friend Tricia, and she was saying that she felt really good about getting this job for which she’d been interviewing. She lost her previous job as a pharmaceutical rep about 6 months before, just shortly after finalizing her divorce. As a result of the lay-off, she had received a substantial severance package. After much prayerful consideration she made the decision, for this first time in her life, to obey God with the tithe. To give an actual 10% back to God and to do it first! We are talking thousands of dollars here…at least a couple months worth of expenses. Her family and friends (most of whom are Christians I might add) told her she was “nuts” and that she should hold on to that in case she needed it. But she did it anyway – faithfully and with a glad heart.

So she continued to tell me about how she knows this job is meant to be, how it’s in keeping with her interests and experience, how she’ll be making comparable compensation, and everything has just fallen into place so seamlessly that she is just certain this job is going to be the answer to her prayers. Then she followed with,

“and when that happens I’ll finally have a really good testimony to tell people. Then they will see firsthand that I’m not so nuts”.
Whoa! I’m thinking. Wait a minute. Back up.
“When that happens you’ll finally have a testimony? What do you mean?” I asked. “I agree that this would be monumental, but surely you have other testimonies! I mean this can’t be your first and only one, right?”

She thought about it for a second and then said that she really couldn’t think of any others. I was flabbergasted! I’ve known her for close to 25 years and I could probably rattle off at least 10 different things right off the top of my head. So the preachy side of me mentioned a couple and she agreed that they were definitely blessings, but not really any sort of awe-inspiring testimony.

I have not been able to stop thinking about that conversation and wondering how my friend, who’s been following Christ for quite some time, could fail to recognize the potential in ALL of God’s blessings to impact or inspire? Big or small they all have some sort of testimonial value. And if she struggles to recognize that value, how many other believers are struggling too?

It also made me realize how I’ve completely taken my own faith for granted. I am so blessed that for the most part, I’ve always been able to see how God works in my life. What I’ve come to appreciate is that my faith is actually a spiritual gift from God, and although it is available to all who seek Him, it is not handed out equally. Just as some have the gift of prayer, or ministry, or giving (none of which I possess), faith is mine. This is not to say that my faith is never shaken, but I can definitely look back over my life and identify numerous times that God has answered prayers, spoken to me, and worked good from a bad situation. Even when I probably did not deserve it! Faith can be built by taking a good hard look at your life and acknowledging God’s hand throughout. Recognizing when He’s been there for you strengthens your faith and allows you to move forward with more confidence knowing that He is moving with you and directing your steps.

Armed with my new found consciousness, I started a list of all my life’s “testimonies”. Many of them actual prayers answered. Proud of myself for producing what I considered to be quite a lengthy list, I turned to God for His approval. But instead of praise He answered with,

“It’s a nice list, but it’s meaningless unless you share it”.

Oh yes, I heard from God all right, which brings me back to this blog. I tried to avoid Him by looking for excuses not to comply. I just couldn’t see how my little life stories could really make a difference. Won’t I just look braggy, or Holier than though? Or worse, won’t people be completely UNblown away by my super average, ordinary life? But then I realized, “Who cares?”! That’s the human, logical side of me talking, and I learned a long time ago that faith has nothing to do with logic! And arguing with God gets me nowhere fast! Only when I look at my life through God’s lens do I begin to see how EXTRAordinary my life really is and how truly blessed I am. If nobody reads or likes my blog, that’s okay. I’m not trying to please them. I’m trying to please Him.

What I’ve realized is that we do not need to have that one BIG monumental miracle happen as proof of God’s love or existence, much less to count our blessings or tell others about His great love. Perhaps all of our seemingly small life experiences add up to that one big testimony. You’ve no doubt heard the saying that “God is in the small stuff”. I believe it is there, in what may sometimes seem insignificant, that God does His best work. I have so many amazing stories to share with you. Stories which have led me to not just believe in God, but to believe God! He has a way of getting our attention (which I will share with you in a future post), so after months of dodging Him, I can no longer hide. I am ready to obey. These are my stories. I hope you will be inspired to take this journey with me and tell your friends and family about my little God project I’ve got going on here! -Oops! I mean BIG!
Thank you and God Bless!

BTW – Tricia did not get that job. You might be thinking where’s the blessing in that? Well I believe that is playing itself out right before our very eyes. As she continues to believe and seek God, I have no doubt that she will have that monumental testimony in the near future. But I also believe that her most powerful messages will be the smaller ones encountered along the way. I’ll let her post the rest of her story on here when she’s ready! I don’t want to leave you hanging! I am as anxious to see how it unfolds as you are!